dew drops

to ibskaholic.multiply.com

2007-12-04T22:42:00.000-08:00

a lot easier to post pictures there...
and besides, good friends who live in distant lands are more in touch with me there...

FILIPINO RACE! NOT MALAY!!!!

2007-10-08T07:04:00.000-07:00

got this from another blog, and i do find it interesting!

-----------------------------------------------------------
The Filipino Race

Posted by ricardo on Jun 19, '06 11:58 AM for everyone

We've always been taught in school that Filipinos are of the Malay race. So imagine my surprise when a form that I filled up while being keyed into the database of a hospital here, I was told that I am not Malay, and that my race is Filipino. I pointed out that Filipino is my nationality, but my race is Malay. As much as she wants to listen and try to understand (I assumed) what I am trying to say, their computer system won't let give her much of a choice anyway.

That was when I filled up the birth cert of my 1st born. And it happened over and over until I learned to put in just what they want and not what I always knew. Now, this issue on race came up again in the yahoogroups for IT profs here. Why is it that people here (even the gov't officially) cannot accept that Filipinos are of the Malay stock?

Wikipedia was not up then yet, or maybe was still in its infancy. So that I have a chance now, I found a relevant entry there. One of the paragraph there in fact noted the "miseducation" of Filipinos regarding their being "Malay":

"...in the Philippines, many Filipinos consider the term "Malay" to refer to the indigenous population of the country as well as the population of neighboring countries like Indonesia and Malaysia. This misconception is due in part to American anthropologists H. Otley Beyer who proposed that the Filipinos were actually Malays who migrated from Malaysia and Indonesia. This idea was in turn propagated by Filipino historians and is still taught in schools. However, the prevalent consensus among contemporary anthropologists, archaeologists, and linguists actually proposes the reverse; namely that the Malays of Malaysia and Indonesia originally migrated south from the Philippines during the prehistoric period. Among these are scholars in the field of Austronesian studies such as Peter Bellwood, Robert Blust, Malcolm Ross, Andrew Pawley, and Lawrence Reid."

So I guess, if we are wrong to think that people from the peninsular Malaysia walked over to Philippines via land bridges, then at the same time the Malaysians and Indonesians are all wrong for thinking there's a Malay race. If the movement of aboriginal people were actually in reverse based on contemporary anthropological beliefs and assumed linguistic evolution (because we are actually more related to the polynesians in the Pacific), then could it be that Malaysians and Indonesians are actually of Filipino race instead? Hehe. Of course, its not so simple as that. But that article did open my eyes.

But the thing is that, there could be no Malay race at all. Because the word is actually used more for group people living in the Malaysian archipelago, based more on a cultural common denominator. As the article said, "the term is used as a form of ethnic self-identification." And to most people, race is simply about skin color. I mean, some fair skinned guy can go to a tanning salon and come out a Malay for a day, right?

As I posted in that yahoogroup, the race in official forms to be filled up here are more from a political standpoint. From the minimum stuff I gather on local history here, they went through a phase of violent conflict between races. Policies since then have to take into consideration the races of citizens, so I guess it manifests itself through the race tick boxes in the forms. In the end, they are more relevant to locals, and other citizens who's countries are closely intertwined with Singapore, like Malaysia.

I never really thought about the "Filipino race" even if I have been filling it up on forms for the past 4 years since I turned SPR. But now that its brought up front, I think I'm quite liking it It seems even better that Filipinos are on a race of our own.

just a thought

2007-09-30T02:39:00.000-07:00

i guess everything is just a perception...
on what we think (abt pride abt good looks abt all that)
on what we think others think (miscommunication and all that)
on what we think how things are going...

i just have to hold down a little bit... thinking too much could just be damaging...

--------------------

on the lighter side of things... (i wrote this for the sake of remembering when)

im happy i got a red rose from Rohit today... we fought we had misunderstandings mostly because of me but he just knows how to calm me down...

maybe i have not forgiven myself yet...
but i am yet to find out what i really want in life...

I hope He would guide me...

Pinoys speak a lot about their lineage

2007-09-27T08:37:00.002-07:00

especially on how they are mixed breeds and not purely Filipino...

Haha... I was once too but heck, I never really bothered... I needed for my high school project though and one interesting happened in class...two out of my 30 classmates realized that they're cousins (long lost cousins!) ! so maybe that's one importance of tracing your lineage...=P

I copied my cousin's claim of lineage from facebook because it is somewhat applicable to me too...

pardon me for this one but I found some interesting "facts" that's why I decided to share: my comments in red

-My bloodline is 75% Filipino, 12.5% Chinese, and 12.5% Spanish (disputed).
Well... I'm somewhat close to this we only vary because of my maternal side...just a bit though and you will see why later...

-I am a Visayan Filipino. Both of my parents are from the island of Bohol, Philippines. I have TONS of living relatives, including a 94-year-old great-grandaunt who still dances and smokes tobacco. One of my dad's brothers is a politician/medical doctor, trying to make it into the Philippine Congress (But I think he can go for the Presidency.)
I'm a Visayan-Mindanao Filipino, dad from Bohol and mom from Davao del Sur (does this really matter???)...

I do remember meeting a great aunt who smokes tobacco...but dances? ooh... i should find this out!

and as for that politician cum doctor for the masses uncle, he looked a lot like my dad. the first time I saw him I thought that my dad's passing was a total lie... Of course I was only convinced momentarily because the truth is the truth and is the hard truth...

-My paternal grandfather's father (great-grandfather) is pure Chinese. He immigrated from Amoy, China, in the Fujian province (SE China), working as a cook in a Spanish restaurant, eventually becoming an entrepreneur, owning farms and construction sites.
I saw our great-grandfather's portrait... he was really something with his posture and looks and he was really tall... guess what? Im short :P. And alas, it is the truth that cooking is in our blood (can I actually claim this? he he)... this is just to justify how I love to experiment with cooking, i had highs and lows and now I am getting the hang of playing with spices ;).

-I have some family legends; my great-grandfather buried some treasure (Spanish gold) near a guava tree to hide it from the Japanese soldiers during WWII, who used his mansion as a base. The soldiers also tried to open his safe, jamming the door for good. That safe is still in the house, and no one knows what is inside of it to this day.
Only saw my grandpa's house... I better search for my great grandpa's mansion and for that guava tree too!!! =P the safe? sounds mysterious! if he buried the gold near a guava tree then what's inside the safe??? !!!

-My dad's dad (grandpa) lived in both China and the Philippines. He could speak and write in Chinese (I think it was Cantonese).
cool... I talked to grandpa when i was small...no idea he could speak some Chinese no idea of the existence of China either...all I had was my funny hard to read english writing of i love yous and my grandpa... wow... he atually lived in that place? I got to dig more of this history!

fact: My grandpa died in the US and buried there...

-My original last name is not Molina; it is Yap. My great-grandfather changed it from Yap to Molina after becoming a Philippine citizen and a Roman Catholic, taking on his sponsor's last name.
Well Im not adamant about being Chinese neither am I a fan rather I am quite the contrary at times... I so prefer the Molina surname. Sorry bout that but... I'm Italain! =P

-I have not fully confirmed my Spanish heritage, but this is what I know from both my grandmothers:

-My paternal grandfather's mother (great-grandma) is 1/2 Filipino, 1/2 Spanish. Her family was originally from Zamboanga, Philippines. She came from the Besas family, a prominent Mestizo family in Bohol.
this should account for me too... 100% Chinese + 1/2 Filipino and 1/2 Spanish => grandpa 1/2 Chinese, 1/4 Spanish and Filipino... So my dad? my grandma was a Corre...another Spanish (or at least European) sounding surname I do not know her lineage so I guess I could not deduce much... assuming that my grandma is 100% Filipino which I doubt 100% because she doesn't look like it at all, it would make my dad 1/4 Chinese(at least), 1/8 Spanish(at least),62.5% Filipino...hahahahaha

-My maternal grandmother's mother (other great-grandma) is also 1/2 Filipino, 1/2 Spanish. She died in Mindanao following the Japanese attacks on the island during WWII. My mom and grandma said she was mestiza-looking.
hmmm this does not account for me... But my grandma is 1/4 Spanish although she looks a lot like 1/2 Spanish with all the freckles and brunette hair... She was a shortie, i guess I got that from her while my other siblings and relatives got her fair complexion.... oh well... anyway i heard she also had a Chinese blood so say she is 1/4 Spanish, 1/4 Chinese, 1/2 Filipino... My grandpa is said to be highly Chinese although I do not recall their mysterious stories about his family or was it my grandma's? hmm anyway, I guess it is safe to say my grandpa is at least 1/4 Chinese and 3/4 Filipino to account for his highly Chinese side... This makes my mom 1/8 Spanish (at least), 1/4 Chinese (at least), 62.5% Filipino (utmost)

mom + dad = 25% Chinese, 12.5% Spanish, 62.5% Filipino + 1/4 Chinese, 1/8 Spanish,62.5% Filipino = 25% Chinese, 12.5% Spanish and 62.5% Filipino

lol!

no comment... eventually I find myself so pathetic... this kind of maths does not really apply to genetics right? most especially to gene expression... wish i was more like 25% Angelina Jolie, 12.5% Natalie Portman and 62.5% Ivy Molina =P !!! heee

whatever...

-The place of origin I assume: Andalucia province.

never heard of this place =/
--------------------

So yeah...there goes my precious 2 hours! wups...I enjoyed myself though

pathetic but I enjoyed it! esp. the interesting stuff about my great grandpa....

=D

so what's yours?

thoughts

2007-09-26T11:21:00.000-07:00

happy thoughts make me happy...

it's late now... but i am glad...

a while ago though i was bothered about the Romanov history, about Anastasia, Rasputin and all that... interesting and mysterious really... i better rid of such unnecessary search... because happy thoughts have filled my mind now...

yay

thank you Lord...

update

2007-09-17T02:22:00.003-07:00

I love the morning bible study/discussion... It is just that the temptation to sleep is very strong. Then again, it is worshipping with my friends. I get to learn a lot and share what I know as well as my opinions. Most of all, we get to know God more and more...

Today however, is another sort of failure... I did woke up and waited for my buddies to go online... I should have taken initiative since I left my phone in NUS but I have a landline and my friends must have worried that Im unreachable and probably not showing up again. Hopefully tomorrow...=) Another fresh start. I pray that we could get stabilized somehow, one day...

Ah... I always go to Jurong East and I know Shamoy keeps checking up on me... For the record though I have only gone to his house 2.5 (2 of them during the weekend) out of 7 days this week... improvement from 5 out of 7 =D. I think that is decent. It is just that I left my phone in my room for 2 straight days... I was unreachable.

Right now I am supposed to write my report for my first fyp CA. I kept procrastinating about it because it is only 3 pages rather than what I initially thought to be 20 but now I am left to cram. I had too much procrastination but I will definitely do it today...over the weekend I made some 2 paragraphs.=P I'm ten percent done so let me finish my blog post first =P

Thank you Lord for today!

Hugs!

p.s. oops...forgot my laundry this morning >_<

it is kind of "messed up" at home

2007-09-13T18:43:00.000-07:00

it is troublesome and im really concerned...

but yeha! i will survive this storm because the Lord is with me...

I will wait! =)

------------------

on the bright side...
i got a new lipbalm! yay! =P

reviving me softly with fyp! =P

2007-09-10T07:30:00.020-07:00

remember the song "Killing me softly with his song" by Roberta Flack?

there... she felt like she has been figured out by someone!

well for me it is somewhat similar except that I dont want to be "found out" as someone irresponsibly shoving off my fyp duties...

oh dear, it's so hard starting a page! I doubt if I understood journals I have read, I'm just glad I'm an engineer enough to understand the very basic terms in those alien-league documents. sigh.

I shall be positive then because I am not robbed off of any hope! I shall hold on and believe in Him!

I ought to do my work for Him!

FYP will definitely be conquered over and over and over and over again!

-------------
and to Rohit ^_^ HUGS!!!

cat and mouse play

2007-09-04T09:15:00.000-07:00

it was awesome....

4 casts, 2 directors, rohit the stage manager and several other in support... how they performed, how they managed to keep the audience on their toes despite the few number, how the story unfolded before our eyes were simply fabulous!

the writer of the script was good! and so are everyone in the play...

one simple word to describe the play...

IMPRESSIVE!

it is the fun part of being an audience, you get to enjoy the actual show...hehehe

goodie i did not audition for it :P

day 9 verdict

2007-08-28T00:34:00.000-07:00

it has been 9 days since i said i will be a hopeless anime fan no longer

during the transition i did watch 2-3 animes, read one or two manga with so much hesitation

the drastic change wasn't fully implemented successfully but it already is a progress in itself. unlike before nearly 4-8 hours of my day were spent watching/reading/searching for animes... now within nine days span i spent around 3-4 hours for anime watching/manga reading.

i also abandoned my pokemon games (my high school fave game already in 3D with a female character as an option in the RPG and with a lot more powerful and cute pokemons...hehehehe)... it has been 3 days since i abandoned it... i am still a work in progress and I'm thankful to God that I have now another way of spending time more fruitful than those fruitless hours which makes this change a lot more bearable. =)

praise be to God!

keep me standing on the ground Lord

2007-08-27T07:01:00.000-07:00

I am excited but at the same time wary of the possible emotions that could potentially be disastrous of what I am excited about.

I hope the Lord would keep me on the ground along with my brothers and sisters in Him. =)

God made a way

2007-08-26T17:25:00.000-07:00

thank you Lord!!!!!!!!!!

there were failed attempts in the past, but this time it's different...

we praise you! for it was You who made the calling

Amen and Amen!

acting like I know

2007-08-23T22:17:00.000-07:00

have you ever looked at a problem in the eye and said, "i have nothing to lose"
basically because you think you lost everything but yourself?

sometimes i get that kind of feeling, but yeah, I still do have something. there are just times when you get that kind of feeling..

suffering is no stranger to some of us...

but those who experienced comfort their whole lives are lucky buds!

the tough part is, on top of the misfortunes, will i still be able to praise and worship Him truly?
Been trying to although I have been blind of His blessings. I'm the rebellious child and to the likes of me suffering is no stranger, just a long lost companion.

-radical-

day 1 verdict

2007-08-21T09:24:00.000-07:00

my last post of course did not left without any claim for a change

i said... " i will be a hopeless anime fan no longer"

after day 1 of my experiment here are my observations

1. the time i saved from watching anime still remains fruitless... i used it for some other entertaining things if not used to bore myself with nothingness...

2. because i do nothing really, i still do nothing... very pathetic as usual

verdict:

because i am undergoing a drastic change of lifestyle it is only normal to recoil like this...
no mood to study or do any other productive things. it would be a good suggestion to undergo this change gradually BUT i think the temptation of watching anime can be just too overwhelming.

thus, for now it is best to observe a few more days with this drastic implementation and see if there is something that needs to be done by then...

rating:

not-much-of-a- failure aka... acceptable!

---

enjoyed the Pinoy gathering, thanks to Wayne, Jason, and everyone else who were involved

i am a hopeless case...

2007-08-20T06:44:00.002-07:00

of the terminal illness called anime obsession... admittedly my great downfall

why do i love anime? because of many reasons... it is fun, it shows some valuable lessons about friendship, family, and even romance; it shows chivalrous men that seem to be wiped out in reality nowadays :P. Anime is the most effective chocolate for me whenever I am on my own... The retarded jokes, the unintended puns, the funny smiles and human intentions behind supernatural cosmic events just never failed to lift me up. Sometimes the shows make me feel like I am not in the worst possible situation and make me see some hope beyond the problems' scarring face. Also, I see some of my desires in the shows and even the pathetic means of obtaining them. In other words, I can relate (but of course, fellow humans made it and to be effective they have to make something we can relate to). Indeed to me it is not just a cartoon for kids (it is not at all for kids... people earn billions out of anime and no it is not just made for kids...they target quite a wide range of age groups, wider than you could imagine!).

Anime, to me, is a form of escape in this painful reality similar to drugs... And in the same way, it is also a downfall of a human soul... Anime is like marijuana, although I haven't tried that weed in my life but I bet those who use it share the same feeling of addiction that I have for animes. Addiction, in itself... is already bad enough. And I guess I need not explain why.

You may laugh at me... You can even scoff of me. Do as you wish. For all you know, we all have our own sets of downfalls...

baah... this is the most rubbish post ever... but it does share the rubbish thoughts i have

shameful but true...

i am a hopeless anime fan

but I will be a hopeless anime fan no longer!

la la la

2007-08-18T20:25:00.000-07:00

i like Corrs!!!!!!!

Woot! I like Andrea too... like her, I am the third child weehee :P

Ha ha ha... enough

"this boy is cracking up...this boy has broke down..."

they really have cool beats, it is cool to be a musician... like them... how I wish.

------------------------------------------

i love my God, I love the church, I love my family, I love my friends and I love Rohit!

back is back is back

2007-08-17T21:45:00.000-07:00

I got my desktop finally! with vista and some new software i can use for the MTV, ready here I go! Although bye-bye to my savings for now... Might be begging in the streets in a few months :P

I have been irresponsible with my commitments in church and all that... But I hope I am not all too late.

Just had my fyp briefing... all the while i thought my fyp is a bit boring... but guess again...

FYP here I go! hahahahahahaha

Thank you Lord! everything is well again...

Praises belongs to you over and over!

And to all my good friends, I love you guys!

HUGS!

attached

2007-08-11T21:42:00.000-07:00

for the past few days i have been upset for a few reasons...

one is because my laptop is gone (something wrong with the motherboard... likely with the power part)... and currently i was thinking of buying a new desktop with good specs or a laptop with not so good specs using whatever money i have... however, whatever savings i plan to have for my after final year activities (like job hunting, house renting, overseas trip (?)) will be gone. It is a compromise... so it is either i get more convenience with the new PC and worry about the after final year financial issues later or live off my final year from the computer center, a tougher decision to make, and have something for stormy days... well these are the two extremes that I am considering right now as other options are more or less related to the said "ends". (side comment: tough to be really away from the family and trying to be independent... I mean it is not like I have much of a choice anyway, our house is definitely not flooding with gold bars, cold cash and dazzling diamonds and my family's overall bank account don't have trillions on them... but yeah I believe He has a reason why I am not born as Bill Gate's heir =P ... and I'm really not complaining at all... I love my family! )

second, my phone is messing up... ah... what can I say... things just don't last forever and I am not really compatible with my phone despite its very convenient features. I need a phone that can survive several atomic blast, 140G of acceleration, can work at least 1077 feet under water, never hangs when I run 21 simulation programs simultaneously on it and can make emergency calls even if I am trapped within 100 m thick metal walled room to humans anywhere in this vast universe... *bows*
okay I admit, I did not really take good care of my phone this time. my fault.

third... uh... okay this is personal and I prefer to keep it for myself.

so there... for the most part my reasons to be upset are worldly... I am still attached to the things in this world...

and hope that He will help me out with this issue... I believe He will...
I just have to be a little less stubborn most of the time. seriously this time...

ranting: pareto efficient not!

2007-08-01T20:33:00.000-07:00

sometimes i can't help but think how fortunate i am compared to those who are suffering poverty, persecution in my country or in Afghanistan or in Burma, etc etc.

and yet there are also a lot of those who are way better off than me. relatively speaking, i am suffering too.

funny how the rich gets richer (and in the process destroying the earth... see floods and all that) and the poor gets poorer (contributes a part of earth destruction but often times directed by latter... they are also worse off victims of the surging calamities these days... read the world news)

yeah...reminds me of the saying i have read in Marina square

UNTIL THE LAST RIVER IS POISONED AND THE LAST TREE IS CUT WILL THEN YOU REALIZE THAT YOU CANNOT EAT MONEY

or something like that... better yet, until the last plain is flooded, the last mountain atomic bombed and the last fish poisoned will then people realize that they destroyed the planet and they have to eat money as their main course and dirty murky radioactive water as their wine.. or maybe they have to fly to mars and start vegetation there, if they still have the resources. or from this moment onwards make money made of chocolate or something as nourishing...

sometimes i think that every time i indulge myself... the resources spent for my indulgence must have destroyed a bit of the planet, must have made someone better off and many others worse off...

funny right? i mean if we continue thinking this way, then what ends are we aiming for? we are supposed to live... and in doing so, the earth dies... but then we will die too at God's appointed time... everything is fleeting like the mist (oh by now you should know where my blog name came from =P)

with all these, it is so true that the whole earth is fading away just as the bible says... why live for the things found on it? like money, indulgence and power as ends... not means for something more meaningful to do in this life...

to see is to believe? look around you... look far ahead not just nearby, think about what you see... consider yourself and others... think about 120 years of lifetime and eternity... consider again... then look around...

do you think you can see or do you only see what you want to?

i guess we have our own answers and they might even be conflicting... very conflicting!

but yeah, ganbatte yo!

live your life the way you choose it to be... but choose wisely. and maybe in the end we will find out answers for sure... that is, if we have consciousness beyond the physical... which i believe so.

------

what could this post do? make some people realize my point or make them feel miserable or both or whatever that is not stated? i have no idea. but this might be worth mulling over...
i hope.

because i am one of those who don't like to eat paper and stones.

p.s.

basically my point is, since we can't go around killing ourselves (a very stupid choice), let us become good stewards of this God-given planet... live!

my summer

2007-07-31T19:46:00.000-07:00

Another school year is around the corner and I'm a bit scared of the final year project... For some reason that is...

Oh well...

I will be moving back on campus hopefully around the 6th of August. Will surely miss living with Rohit and friends! Surely it was fun being with them... The xbox nights, the dance party nights (inside the house only), the booze nights, the boring nights, an unexpected hilarious event which i think we will never forget, and more... oh... take note of the nights...basically my life only happens at night time because the days (6 out of 7) are sacrificed for dear work. And of course Sunday is for church... The only one that revitalizes my 6 other draining days.

How was summer? compared to my other summers it is the least boring and jobless but still there were some boring times. Can't help it , it has always been there since the dawn of time =P

now i will state some summer highlights:

I had fun with my sister's wedding but in the end i wasted money by and missing my flight back to Singapore... the drama in goodbyes had to happen twice...lol... but at least i get to talk to my uncle "from the usa"... for the record I'm tired of saying that phrase... there is nothing great about it and yet some people make a big deal out of it... I am not a big fan of that country but I don't hate it either... And for some funny turn of events a lot of my friends have left for that place...hahahaha

Other than that, i had to practice giving what belongs to God. Tough part because I am a poor lad but you know if I were to count my blessings, i believe i am rich!

I get to have a good chat with Kathleen Kaye... A very good friend from high school... Man i love being with her! So much for our "cruel world" hehehe... yeah, we are pretty much in a similar state of love life... Come what may!

I had outings with my Wyldfire friends we went out to play pool, play basketball, have dinner and more...although some of them i missed because for some reason.

My sister and brother in law are here in Singapore. On top of touring them to places, they managed to watch the NDP 07 preview at the Marina Bay... Cool stuff... They enjoyed a lot. One remarkable thing about my sister is that you don't have to be with them to find their way... They can tour Singapore with ease... they went to snow city, bird park, marina square, mustafa, night safari, and more taking public transport (other than cabs) without me!

I love my nonsense chats with Rohit! and his friends too

my FYP:
Proposal Code 3196
Title: Resonant cavity LEDs

Synopsis:
The aim of this project will be to fabricate resonant cavity LED devices using the clean room facilities in CoE and analyzing their performance. These devices offer a number of advantages over conventional LEDs such as enhanced operating speed and can offer advantages over laser diodes in low-cost mass market applications. These are important devices for automotive networks and future multimedia networking for consumer electronic products.

Nature:
Experimental

Pre-requisite:
Electromagnetics, and an interest in cleanroom fabrication

I'm getting giddy!

okay...so far that's all i could rem... =P

Thank you Lord!

thank you Lord

2007-07-30T18:33:00.000-07:00

for my Wyldfire friends... though they know not every inch of me and I dont know every inch of them... they are ever warm and friendly and sisterly/brotherly... thank you Lord for them... especially to May and Rovin who took the effort to reach out.

HUGS to Missy, Chin, May, Rovin, Robs, Erika, Korinna, Nina, AJ, Noynoy, Tan Tan, Gabby, Niessel (mispelled ba?), Dianne (tama ba?), Ate Cla (hala... kelan kaya namin siya makikita ulit),Ate Jing and husband, Tita LA and husband, of course Willierose, and everyone else I did not mention! (sorry poor memory at the moment)

Thank you Lord =)

P.S. Thanks for Rohit as well

left behind

2007-07-26T06:50:00.000-07:00

because i dont have many good friends here

i feel lonely most of the time.

sad...

will wait upon Thee

2007-07-23T00:32:00.000-07:00

a lot of things has happened

and i don't know where to start

all i can say is that in all this world, whatever i have done for myself is but nothing when it comes to your terms Lord... what is the point of dying beautifully when this body rots eventually and returns to dust? what is the point of making riches the end of all my efforts?

indeed, it has come into one purpose... that all existence is for Your glory... nothing else makes perfect sense...

people try to claim that you don't exist... all i see in them is fear or struggle or suffering that they don't even acknowledge... they can't accept You Lord because of who you are and who they are... and for them You are a difficulty... but oh Lord I hope they see you Lord as a Savior and I hope they realize what they are here for and who you really are before it is all too late...

tired, scared and lonely

2007-07-10T06:58:00.003-07:00

work totally drained me out today...

TV shows made me lose my appetite (some man-eating snake thanks to Nat Geo and also the the WWII accounts about a huge country)...

the night sky reminded me of a scary dream... It was about the end of the world or maybe it was the rupture...either one...

and nobody else is at home...

rohit never called since he left...

thank God, He still keeps me sane...

I can't wait for better days...

Hope to see my older sis soon!

bug-a-boo

2007-07-08T21:19:00.001-07:00

now i am currently being tortured by my emotions...

wishing to shoo them away...

shoo shoo shoo!

oshigoto oshigoto oshigoto

2007-07-04T18:44:00.000-07:00

means work work work... in a polite way

have to keep myself occupied but really im not

rohit left for india... he will be there for 2 weeks...

i miss him already...huhuuhuh

now you know why i have to be busy somehow...

but im not!!!!!!!!!!!!

updates

2007-06-28T19:13:00.000-07:00

on the rush

* im still doing my internship with hurdles here and there yet I still thank God for everything
* Rohit got a house!
* and thanks to everyone's prayers, Rohit finally is employed =) See how God makes everything fall into place? I knew God had something good in mind for him =)
* thanks to friends =) just for being friends
* i rarely declare this in my blog but

I love Jesus!

and I love Rohit! and I love my family!

and I love my friends!

thought

2007-06-05T11:11:00.000-07:00

have you ever had a thought, a curiosity that continues to bug your mind but you can never really satisfy? it bothers me even though it is but a shallow, random and pretty much selfish interjection that shows itself once in a blue moon...

a mere thought that defeats your consciousness from thinking the more important ones.

a thought that lurks in the depths of your mind when the stimulus shies away from your daily activities. and yet when it struts itself suddenly in some expected occasion it simply haunts you.

i wish to rid it off by blogging... nonetheless, i pathetically stopped my train of thought to rid of this earlier to some empty space at some point of time where and when it can just simply disappear. but for some funny reason i want to remember what i did to rid of it. i don't want to forget it, i just want to stop it from "smothering" me. >me===silly

the Lord knows what's inside my head and heart... I just hope that this thought would just leave. but I am getting the feeling that im talking too much and it is time to shift my topic.

it is 2 :30 am and i have to wake up for work around 6 am. and then after work,spend some time with Rohit as he will send me off in the airport. I will be going home for 6 days to attend my sister's wedding ^_^. Im excited yet... yet... haize... i want someone to come along with me. and yeah, im already missing that person.

well... i'm having before-flight blues as usual...

I hope the Lord takes em away through His grace like He always does =) ...
Thank you Lord!

Now I am off to sleep! =)

Good morning!!!

energy saving Google

2007-05-27T20:26:00.000-07:00

try blackle.com =)
saves much more energy than the white Google webpage

Grades

2007-05-25T02:07:00.000-07:00

God is good all the time!!!! I passed all my modules this sem.
And as expected my worst grade this sem is Bioelectronics but yeah, the Lord gave me strenth to face this moment of truth and I say He is good!

Well as usual im not unveiling my grades because I'm not particularly proud of them and they aren't great or anything, but I am definitely proud of my God who helped me survived this sem! He is so great!!!!! He gives me strength everytime, without Him right now I should be in bed suffering a heart attack or some stroke ^_^. Thankfully His grace is great even if Im a sinner. He is my comforter and I love Him!

Fourth year here we come! May the Lord be with us!

Praise Him!

phoneless, pennyless...

2007-05-23T18:24:00.000-07:00

haize.. im pretty broke and i need to pay my phone bills (whooping 4 months of unpaid bill, have not seen my bill for quite some time because of the not so efficient delivery system in ea... my bills were not in the floor mailbox neither in names starting with R mailbox, but was found in the others mailbox... gosh, i even found my mail in the others mailbox too... sometimes they just fail to deliver my mail... but it is ok, i still thank them for the free room delivery of mails it is just that i relied on them too much..) Im pretty ashamed of my bill >_<. never slacked in payment like this before... huhuhuhu...

so to someone whom im supposed to reply to, so sorry... it's not with the movie, it's just something wrong with us and then the movie... it is quite complex so will tell you about later when we get a heart to heart talk... haha i owe you two already...
i know you read this blog once in a while, kaya blog na lang muna and I am just hoping that you are able to read this post. when i get to activate my barred sim by this evening (if ever) i will sms you right away, ya? ^_^ sensya na po.

ahhh... ok better go back to my work work work...

God bless!

-----------
p.s. yesterday went to a professional engineer, someone we can get approval from of our single line drawing schematic for a temporary supply for NDP, whose office is located just around the corner of our Lavender church... and the cool part is, he is also a Christian! gave me loads of comfort since I was quite tensed when I learned that I have to go there alone. I thank God also for showing me the way towards his office because it was in a way remote.

waaaaaaaaa.... after some munimuni, you know there are still some things that I need to understand substantially about my faith... about the Holy Spirit and all....

lift my head and jump

2007-05-16T20:30:00.000-07:00

one more day and its weekend again! yay!!!!!!!!!

my desire

2007-05-11T21:27:00.000-07:00

I always wanted to sing for the Lord, but when the opportunity comes I always fail to grab it. One may be because I am not experienced and thus not confident over it, joined choir before for the reason that I may become confident with my voice so I could sing for Him but you see...look at me ... still going nowhere. Another is because there are many others who want to sing for Him as well and who are experienced compared to me so better let them be. And I have mixed up priorities that I am not always available.

I love to dance for the Lord. Haize, the tambourine dance is another failure of my plans. For some reason...

I dont know how else I can serve the Lord when I am being useless right now...

Ahan! I will just have to use my smile and welcome God's children in church ^_^. My my, I might not be bad at it ...

======

this post is quite random but it voices out some of my concerns.
======

I have read the dailybread today (yay!)

it's about free fall... the story actually caught my eye. It is taken from Deutoronomy 32:10-11, verse 11 especially

(NIV) In a desert land He found him, in a barren and howling waste. He shielded him and cared for himl He guarded him as the apple of His eye, like an eagle that stirs up its nest and hovers over its young, that spreads its wings to catch them and carries then on its pinions.

Will write the story here to understand the verse (taken from the dailybread)

"A mother eagle builds a comfortable nest for her young, padding it with feathers from her own breast. But the God-given instint that builds that secure nest also forces the eaglets out of it before long. Eagles are made to fly, and the mother eagle will not fail to teach them. Only then will they become what they are meant to be.

So one day the mothers eagle will disturb the twigs of the nest, making it an uncomfortable place to stay. Then she will pick up a perplexed eaglet soar into the sky and drop it. The bird will begin to free-fall. Where is mama now? She is not far away. Quickly she will swoop under and catch the fledgeling in one strong wing. She will repeat this exercise until each eaglet is capable of flying on its own."

See how God's love for us is displayed all around us?

Free-falling is like the situations/problems/challenges that God allows to come our way and can sometimes be so scary that we think we are out of help and He is nowhere to be found. But fear not! For surely He will catch us, and He will keep teaching us to become who we are meant to be. It is very reassuring that we have a God like Him! A faithful loving God who never abandons His children!

"God's love does not keep us from trials but sees us through them!"

Wonderful is our Father!
Amen!

internship

2007-05-10T05:58:00.000-07:00

here are some of the few things about my internship so far:

* A crash-course for autocad 2004 (single line drawing only) good thing I had an autocad 2000 background in school. Mighty glad it came to some use.

* Saw the seating gallery and the floating stage in Marina bay, it only houses around 25000 people with 600 VIP seats. The floating stage is interesting.

* Went inside the IR site in Marina bay as well and learned that even though it is still under construction the government is already earning at least S$1M per hour!

* We have a free bus from Jurong East...not bad...

* We will have a good pass in the NDP (National Day Parade) site and witness the thing just like the VIP.

* We will be dealing with power systems, man I use to just see those DANGER signs in generators around Singapore, now I get to enter beyond the DANGER sign!!!

* The other interns and I will have a prolonged internship (until mid-august)

* The colleagues in the office are nice understanding, non-stuck up people. I am so thankful to God.

* And what's amazing is that I wanted a hands-on intership, asked the Lord for it but I never stated it in my resume yet He gave me just the right one!!!!!!! I wanted an intern salary of S$600 just to survive and He gave me S$700! Amazing He is.... and the miracle part is, after waiting for so long for an internship, only after being prayed for by my youth group in church did I manage to get the internship without even an interview! Now that is cool! Praise the Lord!

My salary might be small but it is more than I need! Moreover, it might be small but I am looking forward for a good experience at work! I have so many things to learn in this one!

====================================

hard core

2007-05-04T03:13:00.001-07:00

Thanks everyone for your prayers! I finally got an internship that revolves around the NDP (National Day Parade)... Cool stuff, hard core electrical engineer stuff! Although the UE-Tradetec Senior Manager wanted someone who took the module I wanted to take (but I didn't because it is not offered every sem) , I guess it cant be helped. Thanks to Pisay, my experience in autocad 2000 somehow paid off otherwise I have to mug up on how to be a hardcore electrical engineer to get offered a job like that...

Imagine me with a hard hat, boots, and some electrical insulator outfit while wiring huge generators somewhere in Marina Bay; maybe in the floating stage or the fireworks boat etc etc...

aaaaah... is that me?

Crap... haha. I wanted to be an astronaut. =P. Haha again. This job is so unlady like. But yeah, machos like me can do it! okay, I'm quite scared that I wont meet my manager's expectations and I am unfamiliar with power electronics aside from the Fourier series and 3 "sine" wave AC supply (geee...i even forgot how it was called) and I am starting work this coming Monday and they all speak fluent Chinese and I'm cute *wink*...haha the last one is a joke but yeah it is nice to know he allowed to let go 2 days of work for me to go home and be a bride's maid. But I am all tensed up! I hope I am not the only one working as an intern there. I need companions even at least another undergrad. Is that too much to ask for? Im so insecure! I have a very low self esteem *Im cute!-->=P*.... But seriously, I need a new set of prayers for my internship... haize >_<

But I am glad nonetheless that I got an internship where I can learn loads of new stuff ^_^. Thank you God!

hard core

2007-05-04T03:13:00.000-07:00

Thanks everyone for your prayers! I finally got an internship that revolves around the NDP (National Day Parade)... Cool stuff, hard core electrical engineer stuff! Although the UE-Tradetec Senior Engineer wanted someone who took the module I wanted to take (but I didn't because it is not offered every sem) , I guess it cant be helped. Thanks to Pisay, my experience in autocad 2000 somehow paid off otherwise I have to mug up on how to be a hardcore electrical engineer to get offered a job like that...

Imagine me with a hard hat, boots, and some electrical insulator outfit while wiring huge generators somewhere in Marina Bay; maybe in the floating stage or the fireworks boat etc etc...

aaaaah... is that me?

Crap... haha. I wanted to be an astronaut. =P. Haha again. This job is so unlady like. But yeah, machos like me can do it! okay, I'm quite scared that I wont meet my manager's expectations and I am unfamiliar with power electronics aside from the Fourier series and 3 "sine" wave AC supply (geee...i even forgot how it was called) and I am starting work this coming Monday and they all speak fluent Chinese and I'm cute *wink*...haha the last one is a joke but yeah it is nice to know he allowed to let go 2 days of work for me to go home and be a bride's maid. But I am all tensed up! I hope I am not the only one working as an intern there. I need companions even at least another undergrad. Is that too much to ask for? Im so insecure! I have a very low self esteem *Im cute!-->=P*.... But seriously, I need a new set of prayers for my internship... haize >_<

But I am glad nonetheless that I got an internship where I can learn loads of new stuff ^_^. Thank you God!

today

2007-04-29T07:39:00.001-07:00

Finally i attended sfs2 after ages. And the lesson today cleared up my confusion for ages about the Prodigal Son... Now it's quite clear to me what the Father said to the older brother in the end. He he. Clumsy me, I did quite figure why it was, I mean I did come close but not the bullseye. Now it is cleared, yay!

The point learned is: we often separate the relationship we have with God from inheritance that we get from the Lord. But relationship with God is already an inheritance that we ought to enjoy! The older brother it seems did not see this, that's why he complained. And I guess this is pretty much common amongst Christians.

Attending SFS2 is indeed an achievement but with a cost: Rohit was not able to swim with me, but that's alright I guess. We get to visit Karen atleast.

Hope Karen gets well tomorrow! Having a high fever during a paper is really not good. Will pray for her. Please pray for her =) if you read this before 1 pm Monday (tomorrow).
==========================
munimuni:

there are silent agreements, and confirmations
there are silent white flags as well

SEMESTER 6 FINALLY OVER

2007-04-25T20:26:00.000-07:00

AND I THANK GOD FOR SEEING ME THROUGH. HE WAS REALLY THE GREATEST HELP EVER ESPECIALLY WHEN I WAS LOSING MY COURAGE AND DETERMINATION TO STUDY AND MOVE ON.

WHAT COULD HAVE I DONE WITHOUT YOU?

I ALSO THANK ROHIT FOR STUDYING WITH ME THE WHOLE TIME. IT WAS REALLY WONDERFUL BEING WITH YOU ^_^

AND I THANK THOSE WHO STUDIED WITH ME: ADITI, JOSH, KAREN, ROBS ...who else pa ba? Mega is not mugging duh... but ya...

I am glad that exam time is a opportune time to see friends from PGP, KE and Normanton. A time to mend/heal a nearly broken friendship and a time to just be persistent. A time to learn cooperation and lose the competitive mindset but work together as a team kind of time. Haha... I could say this sem was much different from the last, and I am glad. Not that I think I am doing perfectly well, i tell you i have a killer module which best describes the exam also, and four papers in four days. Had to mug for 4 papers altogether before that. Tough time it was but I managed in God's grace ;).

AND AGAIN I WANT TO THANK THE LORD, FOR FINALLY REALLY SEEING ME THROUGH DESPITE MY IMPERFECTIONS. =)

boink

2007-04-15T09:05:00.001-07:00

Need to remind myself every now and then that my Lord has been back on His throne since two thousand years ago, watching over us and preparing rooms in His Father's House/Mansion for those who are saved...

And that my problems no matter how puny or how big, they all stand like nothing before Him. All authority has been set before Him... There is none that is impossible for Him to do. And His ways are indeed waaaaay higher than mine and so are His thoughts so I will wait for Him until He reveals His salvation to me.

Christians are not spared from problems and sufferings, but the One we have enables us to face them properly, teaching us how to live and eventually be victors like how Jesus won over death! No I will try my best not be dissuaded with false teachings and false hope. I know what I believe in and I have to remind myself daily who I am and where my home really is.

I am very imperfect still... A long way to go, and even if I am quite impatient, my Lord my God is very patient with me and eventually I will become more like Him... My God will definitely finish the work He started in me... I have to wait. It is tough but I really have to wait.

I don't want to wake up one day wondering what I have to do next or where to go next. I have to remind.... remind myself what I am here for and who I am in this world. a foreigner.

techy? and rantings,whinings,sulkings

2007-04-14T01:24:00.000-07:00

i am discouraged in using the following:

mobile phone
mp3 player
email/computer

these three are making my life less and less socially inclined

where is the art of making sincere friends here when things are getting more and more impersonal? I envy my younger sister, she has way cooler friends than I do. When I say cool friends I mean cool real friends. They are not perfect but they are fun to be with. My sister is such a lucky girl. She uses only the mobile phone to meet up with friends. She is not lazy when it comes to meeting up with her friends.

technology does not really offer all the good stuff. (now i'm blaming technology for my poor sets of life decisions)

it has bad stuff too...and most of the time feeds on lazy people or maybe in the process of using, produces lazy non-responsive people.

me included.

but whatever.

I cant just throw away my computer, handphone, mp3 etc right?

because I will be lambasted with nags, and corrections and what not.
also because they cost some money and the make my chores more convenient.

I do not ask people to agree with me. Neither do I need some help.

ugh... there's no use talking to a wall...

==============================================

p.s.
after 4 long years, I am still not well accustomed to how NUS teach their students

still I am not learning well

this place is too competitive

hard to find local friends too

ugh... why did i ask for this again?

what's next?

2007-04-04T02:14:00.001-07:00

a question that i have been avoiding so far

possibly due to my carelessness in decision making, i am in a crossroad where i must soon leave... but where to?

God have mercy on me. I have never been this clueless before...

for now, i will just live as each day comes.

but i do feel that i have to make a plan at least... or a goal to achieve...

hahay...

immediate activity: tea time!

p.s. last week was a roller coaster week and so are the coming weeks!!!

what's next?

2007-04-04T02:14:00.000-07:00

a question that i hvae been avoiding so far

possibly due to my carelessness in decision making, i am in a crossroad where i must soon leave... but where to?

God have mercy on me. I have never been this clueless before...

for now, i will just live as each day comes.

but i do feel that i have to make a plan at least... or a goal to achieve...

hahay...

immediate activity: tea time!

p.s. last week was a roller coaster week and so is next and next and next weeks!!!

God's miracle for today

2007-03-13T07:42:00.000-07:00

It is so simple one might not even take notice of it but for me it was so obvious. Even nonbelievers agreed that what happened just now in the afternoon was a miracle.

And I praise God for what he has done!!!

It started yesterday when I was rigorously working on my project's PCB implementation. Each individual PCB works except for my biggest PCB because I had no means to test it. I tried assembling the whole subsystem in my PIC (programmable IC chip with 40 pins). To my despair it did not work. Kept working on it until both my body and heart were down. I haven't given up then. It is just that was too upset to go on. Worked so hard for it but nothing came, i say nothing because even if nearly each PCB has a correct design but with the PIC nothing happened.So, I decided to sleep. Whispering a little prayer. Saying "God there is only so much I can do, please help me."

Sunday afternoon, in church. I was given the task to teach little children along with Missy. The topic was, asking Jesus for help. The story is found in Matthew 20:29-34 where 2 blind men asked help from Jesus even if the crowd around Jesus did not want them to bother Him. But they kept on asking despite the block, and Jesus heard them and restored their sight. After teaching the kids, I realized for myself that you know the lesson I taught to kids was somehow been impressed on me. It was more like a lesson taught to me. I have to be more confident in my God! Like those two blind men who were confident that Jesus WOULD DEFINITELY restore their sight if only He wills. =)

Same Sunday afternoon, the youth had a meeting after the church service and oh how I enjoyed that youth meeting. Maybe we should have that kind of thing once in a while. I so love WYLDFIRE! But anyway, before getting too overwhelmed with that, we had a group prayer. We prayed for everyone's concerns for the week. For example, mine was that to have my project presentation on Tuesday (TODAY!) be fine. On my mind it was rather a hard one just to do it on my own. Also considering my groups' pace it was highly likely that we will have our presentation postponed on Friday, we always had a postponed presentation just like before. Then I snapped back from that pragmatism and decided to believe that if God hears this prayer and my prayers and my friends' prayers then it is highly possible that we will have a presentation on Tuesday itself! I have to believe that it will happen. =)

Sunday night, Monday I continued working. After that dreary Monday night, I greeted Tuesday with a renewed hope. I did some programming but to no avail. I was discouraged again in the morning. But I can't give up! I whispered another prayer, thanking God through Jesus that He will make it work this afternoon no matter how impossible things may seem. He is the God over the flood! How little is my subsystem compared to that flood!!! He's so BIG!!!

Then I continued to just work as I know I have a big God. Not stopping on other nonessentials except of course greeting Rohit a good morning -- had to wake him up :D for his midterm mugging (but this is not a none essential but an optional lucrative task =D). Then I left for the lab and continued working there.

If I was not confident of my God I would have been further discouraged by what I have learned at noon time. That is, the other subsystems in my group have not been checked (with the PIC) and my group mates are still assembling and soldering them. Of course errors came when they tried using the PIC just like when I started checking. By right there shouldn't be enough time for debugging. By 2 pm, the TA came and asked us to pick a number from his hand deciding when we should present. We got number 3 but told him that we might be needing more time. The GA came, and asked us if ever we could present today. We were so uncertain considering that our subsystems were not working as they should. So we just said, we will try today latest before 5 pm. If not then we will be presenting on Friday. So we just worked... I don't know how we all managed, but in the end we had our subsystems working! It was the first time we integrated them. Some errors came up but was somehow fixed. Then we presented before 5 pm, and it was a success. It worked!

If I am not mistaken we were the third presenters, the first one was at 3 pm with their uber cool program features (can email the burglar's face!!! and checks the weather at home and compares it with the internet data!!! anyway, ours was way mediocre yeah? we're not even using wireless systems. one way to save us probably is at least present on time =D). The second one if I am not mistaken was around an hour later in the other room. Then us (this is accdg to what I noticed). So we were the 3rd presenters as how it should be. Aint it cool? My God is cool!

In the end, the group was shocked. We all did not expect that we could present today. Some of them gave up hope the day before. We all agreed that what happened just now was a miracle. Imagine the lack of sleep and discouragement we had. But somehow we just continued working. And Jarell, the PCB guy, was extra kind. He allowed us to work in the PCB lab even during lunch time!

It was Him responsible! Indeed from Matthew 20. Just ask Him through Jesus despite the stumbling block that we face (fear, discouragement, illogical request, unreasonable request, impossible request, etc). He was on time even!!! Praise Him!

be still

2007-03-11T10:25:00.000-07:00

- a beautiful song...

be still and know that He is God. BE STILL and wait for His salvation.

Still by Hillsong

I
Hide me now, under Your wings.
Cover me within Your mighty hand.

CHorus:
When the oceans rise
and thunders roar.
I will soar with You, above the storm
Father You are king over the flood,
I will be still and know You are God.

II
Find rest my soul in Christ alone,
Know his power, in quiteness and trust.

***
When the oceans rise
and thunders roar.
I will soar with You, above the storm
Father You are king over the flood,
I will be still and know You are God.

Find rest my soul in Christ alone,
Know his power, in quiteness and trust.

***
When the oceans rise
and thunders roar.
I will soar with You, above the storm
Father You are king over the flood,
I will be still and know You are God.

***
When the oceans rise
and thunders roar.
I will soar with You, above the storm
Father You are king over the flood,
I will be still and know You are God.

what's going on? cannonball?

2007-03-04T09:15:00.000-08:00

there’s still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
there’s still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
it’s still a little hard to say what's going on
there’s still a little bit of your ghost your witness
there’s still a little piece of your face i haven't kissed
you step a little closer to me
still i can't see what's going on
stones taught me to fly
love taught me to lie
life taught me to die
so it's not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball
there’s still a little bit of your song in my ear
there’s still a little bit of your words i long to hear
you step a little closer each day
so close that i can't see what's going on
stones taught me to fly
love taught me to lie
life taught me to die
so it's not hard to fall
when you float like a cannon
stones taught me to fly
love taught me to cry
so come on courage
teach me to be shy
'cause it's not hard to fall
and i don't want to scare her
it's not hard to fall
and i don't wanna lose
it's not hard to grow
when you know that you just don't know
======================

hmmm... it is not a sweet love song or what not... but i like the chorus (the lines that repeat often)! the stanza has to have some deeper meaning into it other than the funny literal sense.

but anyway... all of us happen to have listened to love songs right?

I AM JUST WONDERING... THE FEELINGS DEPICTED IN THOSE SONGS, ARE THEY FICTIONAL?
THEY ONLY SEEM TO BE WONDERLAND EMOTIONS...

THEY ARE JUST TOO SWEET TO BE TRUE. TOO SINCERE TO EXIST. TOO much... too touching... too painful even...

please tell me that they are unreal.

information age, bio age?

2007-03-01T10:13:00.000-08:00

before my topic I would like to praise the Lord for helping me see through this day (i had two midterms and crammed for it...). I praise Him for His guidance and the peace that He parted while I was about to choke in my panic... =)

Thank you Lord!

---------

as i was studying my bioelectronics paper... the first one out of the heap that i have to read for my midterm this week's saturday morning. I felt disturbed by the things that are happening already. Fields like bioelectronics, bioMEMs are quite confusing and as what our prof said today, it is supposedly a PhD level module (but our NUS believed that NUS students can take it... trust me... it is high level! my brain is gonna crack!) but from what I understand from this module, it is a field with gray areas in morality. when you speak of ethical issues, this one seems to have a lot to offer. A double-edged field... a totally double-edged one!

do you happen to recall Mission Impossible 3? where a miniscule bomb was inserted in the brain through the nostril and killed a close comrade of the protagonist. That technology is but a possibility (if not yet an underground part) of bioelectronics.
the paper i just read (half way) is about this neural prosthesis and how it can record neural pulses as well as stimulate pulses and even control the neuron's environment by inserting drugs and all that using this technology? In the not so far future you could see potential developments like cure for paralysis, parkinsons and all that... But on the other hand, you can also see a potential threat as this technology could actually lead to human control and as well as a biologically destructive weapon, one example is in MI3 and possibly other than a bomb, some deadly chemicals combined in such tiny chips, micrometer in size lately.

Don't know. I am disturbed alright. But who am I to tell what must and must not happen? I am but a small dot in the world, not even visible in the map. What change can I offer? ... But then... I realized that you know, if this is part of God's will so let it be. But if it is not, then there is no way it is going to happen... well, what is most impt of all I guess His plan, which we humans do not really understand yet... Although for sure that His plan is perfect and pleasing and good! We all just need the courage, determination, perseverance, faith in Him, etc to see through.

being beautiful doesn't give you the right to be a racist

2007-02-24T02:05:00.001-08:00

or even call someone's race ugly.

to the ultimate level of shallow judgement, this someone is unnerving me.

yeah. i shouldn't mind that person. as he is no one to me. but i can't undermine the existence of that person's likes. the fact that they exist already annoys me...

but you know. we are all the same creation of God, He loves variety by the way. and true beauty lies within. Look at the soul of the person, not the physical appearance. How could you spend a lifetime with some super model with awful character? as for me, i would never be happy...

but this is life again. some people would still opt for physical beauty. nonetheless, i shall say the world is beautiful because all He created is beautiful! truly!

I cant help despise those pixie-looking creatures insult others...

errr... rohit is peeking at my blog now... gtg!

being beautiful doesn't give you the right to be a racist

2007-02-24T02:05:00.000-08:00

foolishness

2007-02-20T21:11:00.000-08:00

there are symptoms when you know you act like a fool
yet we act like fools in some points of time
but it is more than foolishness to act like the same fool
over and over and over again

Mr QUite TyPe

2007-02-05T06:05:00.001-08:00

Today I had my microelectronics lab after missing it last week (>_<).

And on blue moon occasions, I was early for the lab! And I saw this familiar face from our class whom i took special notice of since two years ago. No I am not a stalker; it is NOT attraction but rather character interest. Have you seen how those geeky people look like in the movies? More or less that's how he looks like, i noticed him because often he approaches and sometimes hogs for himself the prof, not that I am against such SMARTies but they just caught my interest as they must have learned a lot(that's what i think). High cut jeans, tuck-in top, big spectacles and nicely combed hair. One particular thing about him that I have come to realize is that he is so sssuuuuuuupppppaaaaahhhhhh quite, makes me think he cant understand me at all or I am so bad with my English! I bet he does understand me nonetheless... but... but...

I approached him and suggested to be his partner in the lab (hehe, too gutsy for a sssuuuuupppppaaaaahhhhhh quite type huh? I guess so, he looked surprised.), and he answered me like this: ".......hhh....mm...." -->which translates as "OKAY SURE! YOU CAN BE MY LAB PARTNER!" in the Super-Ultrasonic-Ultra-High-Level-Read-My-Mind-Language to English dictionary.

It took some 40 minutes before we managed to get started because of my Ultra-Ignorance-of-the-High-Level-Read-My-Mind transmitted in super ultrasonic wavelength... heee... kidding! naah.. It was just like he thought that we use the same equipment but individually gather data... So cool yah? I got that one-sentence-thought from deciphering his language (after 40 minutes!). sigh.

Then I managed to make him understand too (that is, that we should work together as a two-man team), by just looking at him, pointing-pointing the set-up and saying something I cant even recall now, perhaps he only read my mind then! =P... There... we worked together quite peacefully afterwards... No! It was tooooo peaceful like I was just talking to myself and working with this auto pilot smart-machine. Reminds me of those times when I was left in a room with this deafening silence but this time I talked to myself.

heeeh... I am not offended but it was just that it felt soooo weird!!! Especially to me. I know he is smart and I salute smart/muggers. But you know this just shows that Mr QUite TyPe is also not perfect! so am I! =P. Makes me feel not so shameless about my academic performance. hmmm...

------------------------------
sigh my EE project is soooo tough! How am I supposed to program a chip? Where to start? They should have asked us to make a game in our assembly programming module last sem so we could feel confident about programming itself... It felt like I have not learned at all! huhuhu

but anyway, I am looking forward to "the end of semester". =P must be BEEEEZEEEE!

nandesuka?

2007-01-30T23:38:00.000-08:00

Japanese 1 desu! so desuka! haha... I have been the butt of jokes for this module but I forgive myself because I do make mistakes and it is normal. It is indeed tough to learn a language which you don't use but I do use it quite often (for understanding that it) --> anime.

As always, it felt like I look dumb when I try to recall what should be said when sensei says 'ivy-san itte kudasai'...

"aaaahhhh uhmmmmm.... ettttooooo.... aaaaaahhhh so desuka... eeeerrr"

Thankfully God gave me classmates who blatantly whisper the answer in front of our sensei. (sen-see not sen-sey)... But perhaps our teachers already accepted for themselves this kind of thing. One thing is for sure though, I am going to SU this module!

-----------------------------
I am glad that Korinna's finally going to the US! I had the feeling she would! Seems like God has a plan for her there. ^_^. Haha, probably when she comes back I will be hearing her speak in American accent when we chat ^_^ Unlike me who has a totally mixed up accent. =P Hmmm.. I wonder, when can I go to places with four seasons (almost all of my engin friends are out somewhere in the world from east to west!)? Me wanna go to Engly and Jap (and the surrounding region)!

Which reminds me. I have an innate wanderlust inside but ya know, I am attached to Singapore (kind of not wanting to leave after graduation) and I do not have the money to go around (as tourist for now) so uhmmm... Although I do have potential sponsors but probably God is telling me I am not ready yet and I do not have the guts to ask. Well, I guess I am not ready at all. Anyway, one day the green signal will light up!!!

^_^.

a true loving Friend

2007-01-16T06:40:00.001-08:00

they say:

-->a friend in need is a friend indeed.-BC. Quintus Ennius, Caxton's Sonnes of Aymon, and from 'Everyman'

but i say He is even a good friend in the good times while always with me in the bad times.

-->True friendship consists not in the multitude of friends, but in their worth and value.- Ben Jonson

and I say He is worth far more than eyes can see! He is my only friend when the world turns its back on me.

-->Truth springs from argument amongst friends.-David Hume

but I say there is truth in every bit of Him and He knows every bit of me; even if I hide and even if I get mad at Him and share with Him my anger, He remains as one true friend who is always there to guide me despite my stubbornness and unfaithfulness.

-->It is difficult to say who do you the most mischief: enemies with the worst intentions or friends with the best. -E.R. Bulwer-Lytton

i say, friends with the best... I am only human but He understands. and yeah, it is more like I do Him the most mischief!

-->A faithful friend is a strong defense: and he that hath found such an one hath found a treasure.-Ecclesiasticus 6:14

I found a treasure! He is my ROCK!

-->When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving much advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares. -Henri Nouwen

Apart from knowing everything about me. He does not come in front of me and slaps me in the face and drag me to things that I must do. He waits patiently for me to call upon Him after the embrace He gives when I'm in tears.

-->The most I can do for my friend is simply to be his friend. I have no wealth to bestow on him. If he knows that I am happy in loving him, he will want no other reward. Is not friendship divine in this? - Henry David Thoreau

He is divine ^_^. He is happy to know that I love Him, and despite that fact of my imperfectness, He showers blessings upon me, my family, my other friends... He does things for my own good.

-->You can't shake hands with a clenched fist.-Indira Gandhi

He offers his arms wide open!

-->A true friend is the most precious of all possessions and the one we take the least thought about acquiring.-La Rochefoucauld

Aye! Aye!

-->It's the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter.-Marlene Dietrich

Well, He is available twenty-four seven !

-->Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into friend.-Martin Luther King, Jr.

and through His love, I am SAVED!

hongkong photos

2007-01-16T06:24:00.000-08:00

just sharing photos captured by my phone

downtown day:

victoria's peak: (nice photos are not in my phone though...the point of the following photos is: the place is as cold as the lecture theater 7A only)

downtown night:

disney land:

...

2007-01-16T04:18:00.000-08:00

i wanted to post a hate post

but ya know, thanks to korinna... i decided otherwise.

better leave things this way.

I will also find my prince some day.

sunday

2006-11-25T23:19:00.000-08:00

i should have gone to church but...

i did not even if i wanted to...

just met my mom again after a week (as i have to study and they have to go to Genting and KL for several days.

I missed my mom that is why...

and well, they dont feel like going to church and I am dragged as well.

tomorrow's my bio test (recall my previous post sometime in the past, there is some irony here if you could figure) and yeah it is a somewhat dreaded module because as you know i haven't been a good student especially in that module...

while i was walking back to EA, i kind of thought of something... It is harsh or it is against a person's goodwill that you tell him that he is wrong or he sinned even though he doesn't know or even if he is just doing the daily things he does and he thinks nothing wrong of them as he is not hurting anyone... I guess such thought would not be accepted so easily. It would be tough... and also quite unfair... that's all.... implications of such thought is just personal ^_^. this is just random thought as the wide oval in SRC prompted me to think of such things amidst my petty struggle with luggages.

anyway...

God bless!
Let us do our best for our finals!!!

...

2006-11-20T15:46:00.000-08:00

I have not started studying until now...
because for the past week, more than a week, i was sick.

crazy illness

now i am considering two things

1. to die die study and maintain the scholarship
2. to start over again in the Philippines and wait for another few years before i get my degree

Somehow it felt unfair that i missed the whole week just because i was sick. Insanely sick.

But you know, the only person I can blame is myself.
I don't have a dream.
I am not motivated.
I have a weakened body.

I am thinking that it better be the end of the world so I wont have to think of these things. Escapism.

These are the challenges of life.

If I will get beaten up...Then...

I will just have to start over, somewhere, somehow.

illness illness go away!

2006-11-16T07:21:00.000-08:00

Rohit is in Malaysia for 1.5 days now and will be back by tomorrow.

Because I am sick : body pain, cough, cold and bad throat I never felt so lonely. Voice is throaty as well

Tomorrow I have two CAs but I can't even start studying even if i try to. My illness just dont give me the appetite and it is bugging me every now and then.

Not good to be sick like this at the end of the semester.

I am wishing for my mom to come soon and soothe my incessant coughing...
Quite painful in the chest and makes me even feel sad.

---------------------

This evening, we finished our presentation with our supervisor but it was good (according to our beloved Garg). The Lord answered my small request. But it was a big deal to me...I am thankful! =)

---------------------
I hope tomorrow will turn out okay.

Just blogging!

thank you Lord!

2006-11-14T18:49:00.000-08:00

Just got my bio term test result.

It is nothing to brag about. However, thinking that I don't deserve to pass, I did!

The day before the test, I just finished watching the webcast of the first half, and studied for like 5 hours in the notes.

I went to church that Sunday also. But you know, I never felt guilty of not studying during my church time because I know that somehow, I will end up wasting my time. As proven many many times so I better go to church and worship Him!

If I could have been a good student, I could have gotten better grades but as a slacker who only went for the first few classes of the semester nothing much is expected.

All the while I thought maybe I will get a passing grade but everyone else will get higher than an electrical student who apparently found herself in a life science's major module. Neither did I know it was a major module nor did I know that many people find it challenging. It made me think about not taking a science module ever again, even if my electrical grades are already messed up because of some life changes I dont want anything else that could bring it down.

What in the world I am talking about?
The finals spells the last laugh.
So... err...
I'm just saying, at least my term test did not come out that bad.
And I am thankful to Him who did not allow it so. =)
I know He knows why I am taking such far-fetched module and thankfully he did not allow me to get awfully discouraged despite the fact that I wasn't doing my part.
thank you!

WORLD SCIENTISTS' WARNING TO HUMANITY (since 1992)

2006-11-10T22:55:00.000-08:00

WORLD SCIENTISTS' WARNING TO HUMANITY
Human beings and the natural world are on a collision course. Human activities inflict harsh and often irreversible damage on the environment and on critical resources. If not checked, many of our current practices put at serious risk the future that we wish for human society and the plant and animal kingdoms, and may so alter the living world that it will be unable to sustain life in the manner that we know. Fundamental changes are urgent if we are to avoid the collision our present course will bring about.

THE ENVIRONMENT IS SUFFERING CRITICAL STRESS

The Atmosphere

Stratospheric ozone depletion threatens us with enhanced ultra-violet radiation at the earth's surface, which can be damaging or lethal to many life forms. Air pollution near ground level, and acid precipitation, are already causing widespread injury to humans, forests and crops.

Water Resources

Heedless exploitation of depletable ground water supplies endangers food production and other essential human systems. Heavy demands on the world's surface waters have resulted in serious shortages in some 80 countries, containing 40% of the world's population. Pollution of rivers, lakes and ground water further limits the supply.

Oceans

Destructive pressure on the oceans is severe, particularly in the coastal regions which produce most of the world's food fish. The total marine catch is now at or above the estimated maximum sustainable yield. Some fisheries have already shown signs of collapse. Rivers carrying heavy burdens of eroded soil into the seas also carry industrial, municipal, agricultural, and livestock waste—some of it toxic

Soil

Loss of soil productivity, which is causing extensive land abandonment, is a widespread byproduct of current practices in agriculture and animal husbandry. Since 1945, 11% of the earth's vegetated surface has been degraded—an area larger than India and China combined—and per capita food production in many parts of the world is decreasing.

Forests

Tropical rain forests, as well as tropical and temperate dry forests, are being destroyed rapidly. At present rates, some critical forest types will be gone in a few years and most of the tropical rain forest will be gone before the end of the next century. With them will go large numbers of plant and animal species.

Living Species

The irreversible loss of species, which by 2100 may reach one third of all species now living, is especially serious. We are losing the potential they hold for providing medicinal and other benefits, and the contribution that genetic diversity of life forms gives to the robustness of the world's biological systems and to the astonishing beauty of the earth itself.

Much of this damage is irreversible on a scale of centuries or permanent. Other processes appear to pose additional threats. Increasing levels of gases in the atmosphere from human activities, including carbon dioxide released from fossil fuel burning and from deforestation, may alter climate on a global scale. Predictions of global warming are still uncertain—with projected effects ranging from tolerable to very severe—but the potential risks are very great.

Our massive tampering with the world's interdependent web of life—coupled with the environmental damage inflicted by deforestation, species loss, and climate change—could trigger widespread adverse effects, including unpredictable collapses of critical biological systems whose interactions and dynamics we only imperfectly understand.

Uncertainty over the extent of these effects cannot excuse complacency or delay in facing the threat.

POPULATION

The earth is finite. Its ability to absorb wastes and destructive effluent is finite. Its ability to provide food and energy is finite. Its ability to provide for growing numbers of people is finite. And we are fast approaching many of the earth's limits. Current economic practices which damage the environment, in both developed and underdeveloped nations, cannot be continued without the risk that vital global systems will be damaged beyond repair.

Pressures resulting from unrestrained population growth put demands on the natural world that can overwhelm any efforts to achieve a sustainable future. If we are to halt the destruction of our environment, we must accept limits to that growth. A World Bank estimate indicates that world population will not stabilize at less than 12.4 billion, while the United Nations concludes that the eventual total could reach 14 billion, a near tripling of today's 5.4 billion. But, even at this moment, one person in five lives in absolute poverty without enough to eat, and one in ten suffers serious malnutrition.

No more than one or a few decades remain before the chance to avert the threats we now confront will be lost and the prospects for humanity immeasurably diminished.

WARNING

We the undersigned, senior members of the world's scientific community, hereby warn all humanity of what lies ahead. A great change in our stewardship of the earth and the life on it, is required, if vast human misery is to be avoided and our global home on this planet is not to be irretrievably mutilated.

WHAT WE MUST DO

Five inextricably linked areas must be addressed simultaneously:

1. We must bring environmentally damaging activities under control to restore and protect the integrity of the earth's systems we depend on.

We must, for example, move away from fossil fuels to more benign, inexhaustible energy sources to cut greenhouse gas emissions and the pollution of our air and water. Priority must be given to the development of energy sources matched to third world needs—small scale and relatively easy to implement.

We must halt deforestation, injury to and loss of agricultural land, and the loss of terrestrial and marine plant and animal species.

2. We must manage resources crucial to human welfare more effectively.

We must give high priority to efficient use of energy, water, and other materials, including expansion of conservation and recycling.

3. We must stabilize population. This will be possible only if all nations recognize that it requires improved social and economic conditions, and the adoption of effective, voluntary family planning.

4. We must reduce and eventually eliminate poverty.

5. We must ensure sexual equality, and guarantee women control over their own reproductive decisions.

The developed nations are the largest polluters in the world today. They must greatly reduce their overconsumption, if we are to reduce pressures on resources and the global environment. The developed nations have the obligation to provide aid and support to developing nations, because only the developed nations have the financial resources and the technical skills for these tasks.

Acting on this recognition is not altruism, but enlightened self-interest: whether industrialized or not, we all have but one lifeboat. No nation can escape from injury when global biological systems are damaged. No nation can escape from conflicts over increasingly scarce resources. In addition, environmental and economic instabilities will cause mass migrations with incalculable consequences for developed and undeveloped nations alike.

Developing nations must realize that environmental damage is one of the gravest threats they face, and that attempts to blunt it will be overwhelmed if their populations go unchecked. The greatest peril is to become trapped in spirals of environmental decline, poverty, and unrest, leading to social, economic and environmental collapse.

Success in this global endeavor will require a great reduction in violence and war. Resources now devoted to the preparation and conduct of war—amounting to over $1 trillion annually—will be badly needed in the new tasks and should be diverted to the new challenges.

A new ethic is required—a new attitude towards discharging our responsibility for caring for ourselves and for the earth. We must recognize the earth's limited capacity to provide for us. We must recognize its fragility. We must no longer allow it to be ravaged. This ethic must motivate a great movement, convince reluctant leaders and reluctant governments and reluctant peoples themselves to effect the needed changes.

The scientists issuing this warning hope that our message will reach and affect people everywhere.

We need the help of many.

We require the help of the world community of scientists—natural, social, economic, political;

We require the help of the world's business and industrial leaders;

We require the help of the worlds religious leaders; and

We require the help of the world's peoples.

We call on all to join us in this task.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

PROMINENT INDIVIDUALS
AMONG MORE THAN 1,500 SIGNATORIES

_Anatole Abragam, Physicist; Fmr. Member, Pontifical Academy of Sciences; France
_Carlos Aguirre President, Academy of Sciences, Bolivia
_Walter Alvarez Geologist, National Academy of Sciences, USA
_Viqar Uddin Ammad, Chemist, Pakistani & Third World Academies, Pakistan
_Claude Allegre, Geophysicist, Crafoord Prize, France
_Michael Alpers Epidemiologist, Inst. of Med. Research, Papua New Guinea
_Anne Anastasi, Psychologist, National Medal of Science, USA
_Philip Anderson, Nobel laureate, Physics; USA
_Christian Anfinsen, Nobel laureate, Chemistry; USA
_How Ghee Ang, Chemist, Third World Academy, Singapore
_Werner Arber, Nobel laureate, Medicine; Switzerland
_Mary Ellen Avery, Pediatrician, National Medal of Science, USA
_Julius Axelrod, Nobel laureate, Medicine; USA
_Michael Atiyah, Mathematician; President, Royal Society; Great Britain
_Howard Bachrach, Biochemist, National Medal of Science, USA
_John Backus, Computer Scientist, National Medal of Science, USA
_Achmad Baiquni, Physicist, Indonesian & Third World Academies, Indonesia
_David Baltimore, Nobel laureate, Medicine; USA
_H. A. Barker, Biochemist, National Medal of Science, USA
_Francisco J. Barrantes, Biophysicist, Third World Academy, Argentina
_David Bates, Physicist, Royal Irish Academy, Ireland
_Alan Battersby, Chemist, Wolf Prize in Chemistry, Great Britain
_Baruj Benacerraf, Nobel laureate, Medicine; USA
_Georg Bednorz, Nobel laureate, Physics; Switzerland
_Germot Bergold, Inst. Venezolano de Investigaciones Cientificas, Venezuela
_Sune Bergstrom, Nobel laureate, Medicine; Sweden
_Daniel Bes, Physicist, Argentinean & Third World Academies, Argentina
_Hans Bethe, Nobel laureate, Physics; USA
_Arthur Birch Chemist, Australian Academy of Science, Australia
_Michael Bishop, Nobel laureate, Medicine; USA
_Konrad Bloch, Nobel laureate, Medicine; USA
_Nicholaas Bloembergen, Nobel laureate, Physics; USA
_David Mervyn Blow, Wolf Prize in Chemistry, Great Britain
_Baruch Blumberg, Nobel laureate, Medicine; USA
_Bert Bolin, Meteorologist, Tyler Prize, Sweden
_Norman Borlaug, Agricultural Scientist, Nobel laureate, Peace; USA & Mexico
_Frederick Bormann, Forest Ecologist; Past President, Ecological Soc. of Amer.; USA
_Raoul Bott, Mathematician, National Medal of Science, USA
_Ronald Breslow, Chemist, National Medal of Science, USA
_Ricardo Bressani, Inst. of Nutrition, Guatemalan & Third World Academies, Guatemala
_Hermann Bruck, Astronomer, Pontifical Academy of Sciences, Great Britain
_Gerardo Budowski, Natural Resources, Univ. Para La Paz, Costa Rica
_E. Margaret Burbidge, Astronomer, National Medal of Science, USA
_Robert Burris, Biochemist, Wolf Prize in Agriculture, USA
_Glenn Burton, Geneticist, National Medal of Science, USA
_Adolph Butenandt, Nobel laureate, Chemistry; Fmr. President, Max Planck Inst.; Germany
_Sergio Cabrera, Biologist, Univ. de Chile, Chile
_Paulo C. Campos, Medical scientist, Philippine & Third World Academies, Philippines
_Ennio Candotti, Physicist; President, Brazilian Soc. Adv. of Science; Brazil
_Henri Cartan, Wolf Prize in Mathematics, France
_Carlos Chagas, Biologist; Univ. de Rio de Janeiro; Fmr. President, Pontifical Academy of Sciences; Brazil
_Sivaramakrishna Chandrasekhar, Center for Liquid Crystal Research, India
_Georges Charpak, Nobel laureate, Physics; France
_Joseph Chatt, Wolf Prize in Chemistry, Great Britain
_Shiing-Shen Chern, Wolf Prize in Mathematics, China & USA
_Christopher Chetsanga, Biochemist, Affican & Third World Academies, Zimbabwe
_Morris Cohen, Engineering, National Medal of Science, USA
_Stanley Cohen, Nobel laureate, Medicine; USA
_Stanley N. Cohen, Geneticist, Wolf Prize in Medicine, USA
_Mildred Cohn, Biochemist, National Medal of Science, USA
_E. J. Corey, Nobel laureate, Chemistry, USA
_John Cornforth, Nobel laureate, Chemistry; Great Britain
_Hector Croxatto, Physiologist, Pontifical & Third World Academies, Chile
_Paul Crutzen, Chemist, Tyler Prize, Germany
_Partha Dasgupta, Economist, Royal Society, Great Britain
_Jean Dausset, Nobel laureate, Medicine; France
_Ogulande Robert Davidson, Univ. Res. & Dev. Serv., African Acad., Sierra Leone
_Margaret Davis, Ecologist, National Academy of Sciences, USA
_Luis D'Croz, Limnologist, Univ. de Panama, Panama
_Gerard Debreu, Nobel laureate, Economics; USA
_Pierre-Gilles de Gennes, Nobel laureate, Physics; France
_Johann Deisenhofer, Nobel laureate, Chemistry; Germany & USA
_Frederica de Laguna, Anthropologist, National Academy of Sciences, USA
_Paul-Yves Denis, Geographer, Academy of Sciences, Canada
_Pierre Deligne, Mathematician, Crafoord Prize, France
_Frank Dixon, Pathologist, Lasker Award, USA
_Johanna Dobereiner, Biologist, First Sec., Brazilian Academy of Sci.; Pontifical & Third World Academies, Brazil
_Joseph Doob, Mathematician, National Medal of Science, USA
_Renato Dulbecco, Nobel laureate, Medicine; USA
_Heneri Dzinotyiweyi, Mathematician, African & Third World Academies, Zimbabwe
_Manfred Eigen, Nobel laureate, Chemistry; Germany
_Samuel Eilenberg, Wolf Prize in Mathematics, USA
_Mahdi Elmandjra, Economist; Vice President, African Academy of Sciences; Morocco
_Paul Ehrlich, Biologist, Crafoord Prize, USA
_Thomas Eisner, Biologist, Tyler Prize, USA
_Mohammed T. El-Ashry, Environmental scientist, Third World Academy, Egypt & USA
_Gertrude Elion, Nobel laureate, Medicine; USA
_Aina Elvius, Astronomer, Royal Academy of Sciences, Sweden
_K. O. Emery, Oceanographer, National Academy of Sciences, USA
_Paul Erdos, Wolf Prize in Mathematics, Hungary
_Richard Ernst, Nobel laureate, Chemistry; Switzerland
_Vittorio Ersparmer, Pharmacologist, Accademia Nazionale dei Lincei, Italy
_Sandra Faber, Astronomer, National Academy of Sciences, USA
_Nina Federoff, Embryologist, National Academy of Sciences, USA
_Herman Feshbach, Physicist, National Medal of Science, USA
_Inga Fischer-Hjalmars, Biologist, Royal Academy of Sciences, Sweden
_Michael Ellis Fisher, Physicist, Wolf Prize in Physics, Great Britain & USA
_Val Fitch, Nobel laureate, Physics; USA
_Daflinn Follesdal, President, Norwegian Academy of Science; Norway
_William Fowler, Nobel laureate, Physics; USA
_Otto Frankel, Geneticist, Australian Academy of Sciences, Australia
_Herbert Friedman, Wolf Prize in Physics, USA
_Jerome Friedman, Nobel laureate, Physics; USA
_Konstantin V. Frolov Engineer; Vice President, Russian Academy of Sciences; Russia
_Kenichi Fukui, Nobel laureate, Chemistry; Japan
_Madhav Gadgil, Ecologist, National Science Academy, India
_Mary Gaillard, Physicist, National Academy of Sciences. USA
_Carleton Gajdusek, Nobel laureate, Medicine; USA
_Robert Gallo, Research Scientist, Lasker Award, USA
_Rodrigo Gamez ,Instituto Nacional de Biodiversidad, Costa Rica
_Antonio Garcia-Bellido, Biologist, Univ. Auto. Madrid, Royal Society, Spain
_Leopoldo Garcia-Collin, Physicist, Latin American & Third World Academies, Mexico
_Percy Garnham, Royal Society & Pontifical Academy, Great Britain
_Richard Garwin, Physicist, National Academy of Sciences, USA
_Murray Gell-Mann, Nobel laureate, Physics; USA
_Georgii Georgiev, Biologist, Lenin Prize, Russia
_Humam Bishara Ghassib, Physicist, Third World Academy, Jordan
_Ricardo Giacconi, Astronomer, Wolf Prize in Physics, USA
_Eleanor J. Gibson, Psychologist, National Medal of Science, USA
_Marvin Goldberger, Physicist; Fmr. President, Calif. Inst. of Tech., USA
_Maurice Goldhaber, Wolf Prize in Physics, USA
_Donald Glaser, Nobel laureate, Physics; USA
_Sheldon Glashow, Nobel laureate, Physics; USA
_James Gowans, Wolf Prize in Medicine, France
_Roger Green, Anthropologist, Royal Society, New Zealand
_Peter Greenwood, Ichthyologist, Royal Society, Great Britain
_Edward Goldberg, Chemist, Tyler Prize, USA
_Coluthur Gopolan, Nutrition Foundation of India, Indian & Third World Academies, India
_Stephen Jay Gould, Paleontologist, Author, Harvard Univ., USA
_Roger Guillemin, Nobel laureate, Medicine; USA
_Herbert Gutowsky, Wolf Prize in Chemistry, USA
_Erwin Hahn, Wolf Prize in Physics, USA
_Gonzalo Halffter, Ecologist, Inst. Pol. Nac. ,Mexico
_Kerstin Hall, Endocrinologist, Royal Academy of Sciences, Sweden
_Mohammed Ahmed Hamdan, Mathematician, Third World, Academy, Jordan
_Adnan Hamoui, Mathematician, Third World, Academy, Kuwait
_A. M. Harun-ar Rashid, Physicist; Sec., Bangladesh, Academy of Sci., Bangladesh
_Mohammed H. A. Hassan, Physicist; Exec. Sec., Third World Academy of Sciences; Sudan & Italy
_Ahmed Hassanli, Chemist, African Academy of Sciences, Tanzania & Kenya
_Herbert Hauptman, Nobel laureate, Chemistry; USA
_Stephen Hawking, Mathematician, Wolf Prize in Physics, Great Britain
_Elizabeth Hay, Biologist, National Academy of Sciences, USA
_Dudley Herschbach, Nobel laureate, Chemistry, USA
_Gerhard Herzberg, Nobel laureate, Chemistry; Canada
_Antony Hewish, Nobel laureate, Physics; Great Britain
_George Hitchings, Nobel laureate, Medicine; USA
_Dorothy Crowfoot Hodgkin, Nobel laureate, Chemistry; Great Britain
_Roald Hoffman, Nobel laureate, Chemistry; USA
_Robert Holley, Nobel laureate, Medicine; USA
_Nick Holonyak, Electrical Engineer, National Medal of Science, USA
_Lars Hormander, Wolf Prize in Mathematics, Sweden
_Dorothy Horstmann, Epidemiologist, National Academy of Sciences, USA
_John Houghton, Meteorologist; Chairman, Science Working Group, IPCC; Great Britain
_Sarah Hrdy, Anthropologist, National Academy of Sciences, USA
_Kenneth Hsu, Geologist, Third World Academy, China & Switzerland
_Kun Huang, Physicist, Chinese Academy of Sciences, China
_Hiroshi Inose, Electrical Engineer; Vice President, Engineering Academy; Japan
_Turner T. Isoun, Pathologist, African Academy of Sciences, Nigeria
_Francois Jacob, Nobel laureate, Medicine; France
_Carl-Olof Jacobson Zoologist; Sec-Gen., Royal Academy of Sciences; Sweden
_Dorothea Jameson, Psychologist, National Academy of Sciences, USA
_Daniel Janzen, Biologist, Crafoord Prize, USA
_Cecilia Jarlskog, Physicist, Royal Academy of Sciences, Sweden
_Louise Johnson, Biophysicist, Royal Society, Great Britain
_Harold Johnston, Chemist, Tyler Prize, USA
_Victor A. Kabanov, Chemist, Lenin Prize in Science, Russia
_Jerome Karle, Nobel laureate, Physics; USA
_Robert Kates, Geographer, National Medal of Science, USA
_Frederick I. B. Kayanja, Vice-Chnclr., Mbarara Univ., Third World Academy, Uganda
_Joseph Keller, Mathematician, National Medal of Science, USA
_Henry Kendall, Nobel laureate, Physics; Chairman, Union of Concerned Scientists; USA
_John Kendrew, Nobel laureate, Chemistry; Great Britain
_Elisabeth Kessler, Royal Academy of Sciences, Sweden
_Maung-U Khin, Pediatrician, Third World Academy, Myamnar & USA
_Gurdev Khush, Agronomist, International Rice Institute, Indian Natl. Sci. Academy, India & Philippines
_Susan Kieffer, Geologist, National Academy of Sciences, USA
_Klaus von Klitzing, Nobel laureate, Physics; Germany
_Aaron Klug, Nobel laureate, Chemistry, Great Britain
_E. F. Knipling, Agricultural Researcher, National Medal of Science, USA
_Walter Kohn, Physicist, National Medal of Science, USA
_Janos Kornai, Economist, Hungarian Academy of Science, Hungary
_Aderemi Kuku, Mathematician, African & Third World Acads., Nigeria
_Ikuo Kushiro, Geologist, Japan Academy, Japan
_Devendra Lal, Geophysicist, National Science Academy, India
_Gerardo Lamas-Muller, Biologist, Museo de Historia Natural, Peru
_Torvard Laurent, Physiological chemist; President, Royal Academy of Sciences; Sweden
_Leon Lederman, Nobel laureate, Physics; Chr., Amer. Assn. Adv. Sci.; USA
_Sang Soo Lee, Physicist, Korean & Third World Academies, Rep. of Korea
_Yuan T. Lee, Nobel laureate, Chemistry; USA
_Susan Leeman Pharmacologist, National Academy of Sciences, USA
_Jean Marie Lehn, Nobel laureate, Chemistry; France
_Wassily Leontief, Nobel laureate, Economics; USA
_Luna Leopold, Geologist, National Medal of Science, USA
_Louis Leprince-Ringuet, Physicist, French & Pontifical Academies, France
_Vladilen Letokhov, Physicist, Lenin Prize in Science, Russia
_Rita Levi-Montalcini, Nobel laureate, Medicine; USA & Italy
_Li Chang-lin, Environmental Sciences, Fudan University, China
_Shan Tao Liao, Mathematician, Chinese & Third World Academies, China
_William Lipscomb, Nobel laureate, Physics; USA
_Jane Lubchenco, Zoologist; President-Elect, Ecological Soc. of Amer.; USA
_Christopher Magazda, Limnologist, African Academy of Sciences, Zimbabwe
_Lydia Phindile Makhubu, Chemist, Third World & African Academies, Swaziland
_Khursheed Ahmad Malik, Microbiologist, Pakistan & Third World Academies, Pakistan & Germany
_Lynn Margulis, Biologist, National Academy of Sciences, USA
_Paul Marks, Oncologist, National Medal of Science, USA
_George Martine, Inst. for Study of Society, Population, & Nature; Brazil
_Frederico Mayor, Biochemist; Dir. Gen., UNESCO, Spain & France
_Ernst Mayr, Zoologist, National Medal of Science, USA
_Maclyn McCarty, Wolf Prize in Medicine, USA
_James McConnell, Physicist, Pontifical Academy of Sciences, Ireland
_Digby McLaren, Past President, Royal Society of Canada; Canada
_James Meade, Nobel laureate, Economics; Great Britain
_Jerrold Meinwald, Chemistry, Tyler Prize, USA
_M. G. K Menon, Physicist; President, International Council of Scientific Unions; India
_Gennady Mesiatz, Physicist; Vice President, Russian Academy of Sciences; Russia
_Jan Michalski, Biologist, Polish Academy of Science, Poland
_Hartmut Michel, Nobel laureate, Chemistry; Germany
_Brenda Milner, Neurologist, Academy of Sciences, Canada
_Cesar Milstein, Nobel laureate, Medicine; Argentina & Great Britain
_Franco Modigliani, Nobel laureate, Economics; USA
_Andrei Monin, Oceanologist, State Prize, Russia
_Marcos Moshinsky, Physicist, Pontifical Academy of Sciences, Mexico
_Nevill Mott, Nobel laureate, Physics; Great Britain
_Teruaki Mukaiyama, Chemist, Japan Academy, Japan
_Walter Munk, Geophysicist, National Medal of Science, USA
_Anne Murray, Ethnographer, Royal Academy of Sciences, Sweden
_Joseph Murray, Nobel laureate, Medicine; USA
_Noreen Murray, Biologist, Royal Society, Great Britain
_Lawrence Mysak, Meteorologist; Vice President, Academy of Science, Royal Society of Canada; Canada
_Jayant Vishnu Narlikar, Astrophysicist, Indian & Third World Academies, India
_Anwar Nasim, Biologist, Third World Academy, Saudi Arabia
_Kim Nasmyth, Biologist, Royal Society, Great Britain & Austria
_James Neel, Geneticist, National Medal of Science, USA
_Louis Neel, Nobel laureate, Physics; France
_Yuval Ne'eman, Physicist, Natl. Acad. of Sci. & Humanities, Israel
_Oleg M. Nefedov, Chemist; Vice President, Russian Academy of Sciences; Russia
_Erwin Neher, Nobel laureate, Medicine; Germany
_Marshall Nirenberg, Biochemist; Nobel laureate, Medicine; USA
_Yasutomi Nishizuka, Biochemist, Lasker Award, Japan
_John S. Nkoma, Physicist, Third World Academy, Botswana
_Paul Nchoji Nkvvi, Anthropologist, African Academy, Cameroon
_Howard Odum, Ecologist, Crafoord Prize, USA
_Bede Nwoye Okigbo, Agricultural Scientist; Dir., U.N. Unv. Pgm. Natrl. Res. in Afr.; Nigeria & Kenya
_Ayub Khan Ommaya, Neurobiologist, Third World Academy, Pakistan & USA
_Cyril Agodi Onwumechili, Physicist, Fmr. Pres., Nigerian Acad. of Sciences, Nigeria & Great Britain
_Mary Jane Osborn, Microbiologist, National Academy of Scientists, USA
_Yuri Ossipyan, Physicist; Vice President, Russian Academy of Sciences; Russia
_Autzr Singh Paintal, Physiologist, Fmr. President, Indian National Science Academy, India
_George Pake, Physicist, National Medal of Science, USA
_George Palade, Nobel laureate, Physics; USA
_Mary Lou Pardue, Biologist, National Academy of Sciences, USA
_Linus Pauling, Nobel laureate, Chemistry & Peace, USA
_Barbara Pearse, Molecular Biologist, Royal Society, Great Britain
_Muhammed Abed Peerally, Biologist, Third World Academy, Mauritius
_Manuel Peimbert, Astronomer, Univ. Nac. Aut. de Mexico, Mexico
_Roger Penrose, Mathematician, Wolf Prize in Physics, Great Britain
_John Philip, Agricultural Science, Australian Academy of Science, Australia
_Lilian Pickford, Physiologist, Royal Society, Great Britain
_John R. Pierce, Electrical Engineer, National Medal of Science, USA
_John Polanyi, Nobel laureate, Chemistry; Canada
_George Porter, Nobel laureate, Chemistry; Great Britain
_Ilya Prigogine, Nobel laureate, Chemistry; Belgium
_Giampietro Puppi, Physicist, Pontifical Academy of Sciences, Italy
_Edward Purcell, Nobel laureate, Physics; USA
_Atta ur-Rahman, Chemist, Pakistani & Third World Academies, Pakistan
_G. N. Ramachandran, Mathematician, Inst. of Science, India
_Tiruppattur Ramakrishnan, Physicist, Indian & Third World Academies, India
_Chintamani Rao, Inst. of Science, Indian and Pontifical Academies, India
_Eduardo Rapoport, Ecologist, Third World Academy, Argentina
_Marianne Rasmuson, Geneticist, Royal Academy of Sciences, Sweden
_Peter Raven, Director, Missouri Botanical Garden; National Academy of Sciences, USA
_Martin Rees, Astronomer, Royal Society & Pontifical Academy, Great Britain
_Gerardo Reichel-Dolmatoff, Anthropologist, Columbian & Third World Academies, Columbia
_Tadeus Reichstein, Nobel laureate, Medicine; Switzerland
_Frederick Reines, Physicist, National Medal of Science, USA
_Alexander Rich, Biologist, National & Pontifical Academies, USA
_Burton Richter, Nobel laureate, Physics; USA
_Ralph Riley, Wolf Prize in Agriculture, Great Britain
_Claude Rimington, Inst. for Cancer Research, Norwegian Academy of Science, Norway
_Gustavo Rivas Mijares, Engineer; Fmr. President, Academy of Sciences, Venezuela
_Frederick Robbins, Nobel laureate, Medicine; USA
_Wendell Roelofs, Entomologist, National Medal of Science, USA
_Betty Roots, Zoologist, Academy of Sciences, Canada
_Miriam Rothschild, Biologist, Royal Society, Great Britain
_Sherwood Rowland, Chemist; President, American Association for the Advancement of Science; USA
_Janet Rowley, Physician, National Academy of Sciences, USA
_Carlo Rubbia, Nobel laureate, Physics, Italy & Switzerland
_Vera Rubin, Physicist, National Academy of Sciences, USA
_Yuri Rudenko, Energy Research Inst., State Prize laureate, Russia
_Elizabeth Russell, Jackson Laboratory, National Academy of Sciences, USA
_Albert Sabin, Virologist, National Medal of Science, USA
_Carl Sagan, Astrophysicist & Author, USA
_Roald Sagdeev, Physicist, Russian & Pontifical Academies, Russia & USA
_Ruth Sager, Geneticist, National Academy of Sciences, USA
_Farrokh Saidi, Surgeon, Third World Academy, Iran
_Abdus Salam, Nobel laureate, Physics; President, Third World Academy of Sciences, Pakistan & Italy
_Frederick Sanger, Nobel laureate, Chemistry; Great Britain
_Jose Sarukhan, Biologist, Third World Academy, Mexico
_Berta Scharrer,Neuroscientist, National Medal of Science, USA
_Richard Schultes, Botanist, Tyler Prize, USA
_Melvin Schwartz, Nobel laureate, Physics; USA
_Julian Schwinger, Nobel laureate, Physics; USA
_Glenn Seaborg, Nobel laureate, Physics; USA
_Michael Sela, Weizmann Inst., Pontifical Academy of Science, Israel
_Arne Semb-Johansson, Entomologist, Norwegian Academy of Science, Norway
_Salimuzzaman Siddiqui, Chemist, Pontifical & Third World Academies, Pakistan
_Kai Siegbahn, Nobel laureate, Physics; Sweden
_Thomas Silou, Biochemist, African Academy of Sciences, Congo
_Herbert Simon, Nobel laureate, Economics; USA
_Alexej Sitenko, Physicist, Ukrainian Academy of Sciences, Ukraine
_Jens Skou, Biophysicist, Royal Academy of Sciences, Denmark
_Charles Slack, Agricultural Science, Royal Society, New Zealand
_George Snell, Nobel laureate, Medicine; USA
_Roger Sperry, Nobel laureate, Medicine; USA
_Alexander Spirin, Biologistn Lenin Prize, Russia
_Earl Stadtman, Biochemist, National Medal of Science, USA
_Thressa Stadtman, Biochemist, National Academy of Sciences, USA
_Ledyard Stebbins, Geneticist, National Medal of Science, USA
_Jack Steinberger, Nobel laureate, Physics; USA & Switzerland
_Janos Szentgothai, Fmr. President, Hungarian Academy of Sciences; Hungary
_Tan Jia-zhen, Geneticist, Shanghai Univ., China
_Andrezej Tarkowski, Embryologist, Polish [text missing]
_Valentine Telegdi, Wolf Prize in Physics, Switzerland
_Kirthi Tennakone, Physicist, Third World Academy, Sri Lanka
_Walter Thirring, Physicist, Austrian & Pontifical Academies, Austria
_Donnall Thomas, Nobel laureate, Medicine; USA
_Jan Tinbergen, Nobel laureate, Economics; Netherlands
_Samuel C. C. Ting, Nobel laureate, Physics; USA
_James Tobin, Nobel laureate, Economics; USA
_Alexander Todd, Nobel laureate, Chemistry; Great Britain
_Susumu Tonegawa, Nobel laureate, Medicine; Japan & USA
_Cheng Kui Tseng, Oceanologist, Chinese & Third World Academies, China
_Hans Tuppy, Biochemist, Austrian & Pontifical Academies, Austria
_James Van Allen, Physicist, Crafoord Prize, USA
_Simon van der Meer, Nobel laureate, Physics; Netherlands & Switzerland
_John Vane, Nobel laureate, Medicine; Great Britain
_Harold Varmus, Nobel laureate, Medicine; USA
_Martha Vaughan, Biochemist, National Academy of Sciences, USA
_George Wald, Nobel laureate, Medicine; USA
_Henrik Wallgren, Zoologist, Society of Science & Letters, Finland
_E. T. S. Walton, Nobel laureate, Physics, Ireland
_Prawase Wasi, Hematologist, Third World Academy, Thailand
_Gerald Wasserburg, Geophysicist, Crafoord Prize, USA
_James Watson, Nobel laureate, Medicine; USA
_Victor Weisskopf, Wolf Prize in Physics, USA
_Thomas Weller, Nobel laureate, Medicine; USA
_Diter von Wettstein, Physiologist, Royal Academy of Sciences, Denmark
_Fred Whipple, Astronomer, National Academy of Sciences, USA
_Gilbert White, Geographer, Tyler Prize, USA
_Torsten Wiesel, Nobel laureate, Medicine; USA
_Jerome Wiesner, Physicist, Fmr. President, Mass. Inst. of Tech., USA
_Maurice Wilkins, Nobel laureate, Medicine; Great Britain
_Geoffrey Wilkinson, Nobel laureate, Chemistry; Great Britain
_Richard Willems, Geneticist, Estonian Biocentre, Estonia
_Edward O. Wilson, Biologist, Crafoord Prize, USA
_Lawrence A. Wilson, Agricultural Science, Third World Academy, Trinidad
_Evelyn Witkin, Biologist, National Academy of Sciences, USA
_Yang Fujia, Physicist, Chinese & Third World Academies, China
_Alexander L. Yanshin, Geologist, Karpinsky Gold Medal, Russia
_Yongyuth Yuthavong, Biochemist; Director, National Sci. & Tech. Devl. Agency, Thailand
_Zhao Zhong-xian, Physicist, Chinese & Third World Academies, China
_Zhou Guang-zhao, Physicist; President, Chinese Academy of Sciences;, China
_Solly ZuckerInan, Zoologist, Royal Society, Great Britain

Over 1,500 members of national, regional, and international science academies have signed the Warning. Sixtynine nations from all parts of Earth are represented, including each of the twelve most populous nations and the nineteen largest economic powers. The full list includes a majority of the Nobel laureates in the sciences. Awards and institutional affiliations are listed for the purpose of identification only. The Nobel Prize in medicine is for physiology or medicine.

A WORLD SCIENTISTS' WARNING BRIEFING BOOK is available from the Union of Concerned Scientists. It provides the citations to support their WARNING.

Union of Concerned Scientists, 96 Church Street, Cambridge, Mass 02238-9105, USA Phone: 617-547-5552; FAX: 617-864-9405
http://www.ucsusa.org/ ucs@igc.apc.org

[Warning issued on November 18, 1992, transcribed by Jay Hanson—apologies for any typos]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

internet browsers

2006-10-30T16:33:00.000-08:00

yesterday i installed Mozilla 2 and internet explorer 7

internet explorer requires a restart after installation...
and takes a lot of memory while running (at least for my comp)...was having some probs then... my blog does not display properly there as well...

Mozilla 2 is more convenient when it comes to installation...fast as usual...
i am using Mozilla 2 as my main browser now...

oh btw, ie7 already has tabs, but it takes longer to close the tabs there than in Mozilla... also ie7 has a different icon and embellished appearance... i am not sure if it is embellished for everyone, but for me, more or less it looks nicer although a little cramped because of my add ons... =)

and yeah... i love the change in Mozilla, instead of opening a new window, they open a new tab =)...less windows to deal with! yey! =)

feels like

2006-10-30T07:28:00.000-08:00

i am being punished...

why can't we live as we like?

i am bogged down

and my ez link card fell off from my wallet... it might have been rendered useless.
and going out quite impossible... i havent been using that ez link on Sundays... so...
feels like I am punished

i am bogged down
by stress?
as usual
but this time feels different...

still
why can't we live as we like? I am not a monster. (or so i think)
so why can't I live as I like?

these questions... recently... bothers me a lot.

pictures that gave me smiles...

2006-10-23T08:04:00.000-07:00

Haha... revelations and thoughts...

THANKS A LOT TO GIS WHO HAS COMPILED AND CREATED THIS WONDERFUL PICTURE!
Makes me think how nice it is to just look back in the past and enjoy the memories made...

THIS MEANS A LOT TO ME!!!!!!!!!!
and I am thanking everyone from the bottom of my heart! =)

I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!!!

p.s. oh my gulay! naging MU pala kami ni Michael!!!!!!! ha ha ha =)

i am twenteen baw....

2006-10-22T10:12:00.000-07:00

it was my birthday the other day (yes technically speaking since it is Monday now)...
and well, basically I am upgraded to the teenage age of twenteen...

it is not the age of denial that I am older. Twenteen is still young and even so, I would be flattered if they say I am old enough!!! hahaha...

this feels like I am old enough! *wink* *wink*

anyway, thank you to Rohit who gave me that surprise* birthday barbecue and yes for holding on even if I was out of hand... =) I never really realized how much you wuv me not even until now...i know though that it is still beyond that barbecue ;). hihihi... oh yeah, you don't have to learn what Rovin taught you the other day ;). oi Rovin, I am not making claims here ok?

Thanks to all who came down and celebrated my birthday with me during the barbecue, that meant a lot for me. Seeing the people I am comfortable with simply makes my day and yeah, barbecuing with them too. I got a vodka for a present...and I am glad I wasn't the only one who felt the sky (that nasty Raju made me drink a pure one shot vodka and more but hey I appreciated what he did, all the tension inside me disappeared and goodie the drink didn't get me totally) =P... 'im on a high on high...nothing more to it yeah!'

Then to Tito Martin and Tita LA and the youth, thanks a lot for celebrating it with me as well... Happy Birthday to Erika! haha... we are getting old indeed...

Thanks to mama who called me in the morning, thanks to my pretty sistas who never forget wherever they may be in this planet... =)

Thanks to Him up there who never fails =).
My life may not came out as I wanted but I believe in the end everything will be just perfect. =)

and then... now that I am tweteen... what have I done? waaa... a lot happened during those twenty years! so nevermind... =P

briefly speaking, people come and go, some stay behind a little longer than others, some just pass by, some go but they come back again, and some do stay. =)
life lessons do come in times when you even least expect them..sometimes you forget but sometimes some are etched in your heart.
funny...even after all the struggles, sadness, tears, defeat etc comes joy, happiness, laughter, victories etc...

interesting. =)

i want to live life to the fullest.
i dont want to hold back anymore.
yes, i might be late to say this.
but more or less I am convinced that
I am old enough to say so =P

I am twenteen! yeah =P

been singing this song today

2006-10-19T05:53:00.000-07:00

C TOP - C... - Cacai Velasquez Lyrics - Forever Blue Lyrics

Used to like the sound of the rain
And feel your arms around me
Together we go insane,
But I wake up to where I should be
I've longed for the wind,
They touch me through my feelings
And you'll never know till they begin,
What you want is really what it means

CHORUS:
Don't wanna be forever blue
'Cause I deserve some love that's true
Finding it the hard way
And wishing for it everyday
I guess I was wrong to want you, yeah
'Cause I'm afraid, I'm afraid, I'm afraid
To be forever blue

Gonna find some other guy for me
This time it will be just like the wind
Coming at the time it must be
And blowing to where I should be
I've longed for the wind,
They touch me through my feelings
And you'll never know till they begin,
What you want is really what it means

CHORUS:
Don't wanna be forever blue
'Cause I deserve some love that's true
Finding it the hard way
And wishing for it everyday
I guess I was wrong to want you, yeah
'Cause I'm afraid, I'm afraid, yeah, I'm afraid
To be forever blue

BRIDGE:
Don't wanna be alone
I need someone to hold on to
And share my dreams with a love
A love that's always true

CHORUS:
Don't wanna be forever blue
'Cause I deserve some love that's true
Finding it the hard way
And wishing for it everyday
I guess I was wrong to want you, yeah
'Cause I'm afraid, I'm afraid, I'm afraid
To be forever
I guess I was wrong to want you, yeah
'Cause I'm afraid, I'm afraid, I'm afraid
To be forever
'Cause I'm afraid, I'm afraid, I'm afraid
to be forever
blue...

Friends (heart to heart...uncut!)

2006-10-15T03:41:00.000-07:00

There is always a time in our lives when we ask ourselves, 'who are my friends?'

In every phase of life the answer changes. Sometimes we think everyone, or maybe quite a bunch of them and then there are times when we feel alone while everybody else is a mere acquaintance. Nobody cares then, not even the person closest to you or the one you knew for the longest time, or so you think. It is easy to think that way when you look around and nobody is there, and when you call, nobody answers. It can be just the imagination, or for real, nobody dares to take a time off and catch up on you and you just waiting on a slump though maybe you could have tried but the barriers, oh the barriers are pretty annoying!

For the past three years of my life, I have seen my answer change quite significantly.

For the first year, I thought I knew but I struggled.

I know some good old friends but they are distant. At one point, I did give up keeping in touch with them because amidst the busyness of life, I understand that they have to make that keeping in touch bit a little less occasionally ~ rarely~ and so do I.

Second year and third year, the answer definitely wavered.

More than a year ago, I started mingling with Indians. I find them interesting. They are the type of people who defines friendship pretty well. I don't sense such a wide boundary. They do catch up on each other. They take the time off to bug you in your room and waste your already wasted time. They call you if they are plain bored and talk about anything under the sun; it doesn't necessarily have to make sense. Some of them make fun of each other but they just take most things as jokes, and they bounce it back. They argue, but they handle it well. They make loud noises and many of them are carefree people who doesn't even know what the day is. They try to be there for each other even if the person doesn't ask. They are great friends really. Even if I just knew them for less than a year and half, I felt like I knew them for many years. That's how comfortable I am with them.

Unlike people I met longer than 1.5 years, I felt like I just met some of them yesterday. Mere acquaintances although there are others that I do talk with comfortably but you can see a significant difference in number between those who I can comfortably talk to and those I deem to be acquaintances...
This is just like agreeing with the observation that NUS Pinoy community these days don't really have a tight bond as a whole unlike NTU (I personally envy them =D ), and mingling with Singaporeans is quite a hard thing to do (for many many reasons!).
For me it is quite sad.

As for church friends, they are nice people. But I don't know them that well when I asked myself. I also realized that although I feel comfortable with them, it is hard to share personal issues with them. Barriers exist here as well. Also, they already have a circle of friends in the church long before I joined them and ya know, that is harder to catch up with and truly join eventually. I do not even expect them to read my posts here either. So that's how it is. That's how I see things. And this kind of fact is one of the reasons why I am not enthusiastic in attending church. All because I don't feel real there, I feel like a hypocrite every time on top of the laziness+un-enthusiastic caused lateness if not absence.

I tried to be sincere, and it has a deep impact when you are failed in that aspect. I especially love honesty/sincerity but i sense barriers in many attempted friendships I had. It is not that I am discouraged by the sight of them but I am discouraged by the fact that after many ages, it is still there.

Has it gone wrong somewhere? Maybe. Friendship is a two-way street but someone has to start it and both parties maintain it. Finding friendship that would surely be worthwhile means being open to the extent of how far,deep your friendship offer is. If it is shallow then it will remain that way and even fade off. If either party attempts to induce a deeper one and the other responds, it may last for life. When it becomes deep and established enough, that is when friends say: 'Friends forever!'

'Friends forever' can be simply stated but its implications are deep. 'Friends forever' entails a deep foundation that even if you parted for some long time, the deep friendship lasts way longer. When you see each other again, it is then when you catch up. 'Friends forever', for me, is quite impossible with acquaintances like relationships. But whenever you establish a deeper connection, built with trust and love, that is a kind of thing that trully is to be treasured!

I am looking for friends. Real friends. So far, the search has been quite poor but not futile. I did find some good friends and even a boyfriend who apparently has become my best friend.

It is this time of my life when I realized how important current friends really are, especially when I am away with family and the good old friends I have back home. I also realized how much of a treasure it is when you get to hang out with your good friends once in a while, comfortably.

It actually feels great to have someone you can really call friends in place away from home. I totally appreciate it now even if I have been away from home for quite a long time. During that long time, i think I must have been in a haze and yet positively looking for friends even if it doesn't show.

...
Jesus is a really good friend, I know that based on witnesses.
He is my friend too but I don't keep in touch with him frequently these days.
My faith somehow is in a deep slump STILL.

kuya ken's finally graduated!

2006-10-15T00:25:00.000-07:00

congratulations to kuya kenneth!!!!

love ya!